Kick-Ass Limerick "The language police are at it again. Republicans and Fox News (sorry to be redundant) are simply horrified at President Obama�s 'unpresidential' language. ..."
Nevada�s Wingnut Angle "Harry Reid sure caught a lucky break Tuesday: Nevada�s looniest would-be Senator won the Republican nomination. ..."
Haley�s Barbaric Attitude "Mississippi Gov. Haley Barbour (R) has been downplaying the Gulf oil spill disaster, talking as if it�s a fictitious crisis created by the media. ..."
Kirk�s �Factual� Quirks "It turns out that Mark Kirk�s problems with the truth go well beyond exaggerating his military resume. ..."
Hatching Hypocrisy "Okay, so we have two Senatorial candidates who�ve pumped up their military records..."
Panning Palin "Is speculation that Sarah Palin�s speaking career�s starting to crash and burn just wishful thinking? ..."
Robin Ghivan Makes Me Cross "Alert the authorities: U.S. Supreme Court nominee Elena Kagan has 'embraced dowdy as a mark of brainpower.' ..."
Maine Mishigas "Would you like to dump the Department of Education and the Federal Reserve? ..."
Oily Obstruction "You�d think that, in the wake of the BP Gulf oil disaster, raising oil spill liability limits would be a no-brainer, even for Republicans. ..."
Why I�ll Never Be A Supreme Court Justice "As the Washington Post�s Valerie Strauss points out, the U.S. Supreme Court is packed with graduates of Harvard Law and Yale Law. ..."
Leery About Elena "Apparently, anti-Kagan attacks from the right have been inspiring some liberals to rally around her. ..."
Obama�s What??? "How amusing! We�ve moved from 'Obama�s Katrina' to 'Obama�s Harriet Miers.' ..."
Unreal American Stories "I was glad to see that Sarah Palin�s Fox News Special did just so-so in the ratings. ..."
Ode To John �Pants On Fire� McCain "Dear Senator McCain: Pretending to be a maverick is bad enough. But pretending that you never pretended to be a maverick? That�s just silly! ..."
Senseless About The Census "Attention unhinged wingnuts: Obama�s Census illegally invades your privacy! ..."
Liberal Drilling? Chill, Obama, Chill! "Like so many of my fellow progressives, I am dismayed by Obama�s plans to open offshore areas to oil drilling for the first time. ..."
Mitt Romney: Constitutionally Confused "Credit where credit is due: When it comes to self-contradiction, Mitt Romney is both fearless and peerless. ..."
Chuck Grassley Upchucks Hypocrisy "Senator Chuck Grassley, one of healthcare reform�s most vocal opponents, has outdone himself. He�s now trying to take credit for portions of the Affordable Health Care For America Act, bragging that he authored the good parts. ..."
Republican Trials (Limerick) "For a party that�s always lambasting trial attorneys and activist judges, Republicans sure are litigious. ..."
Addled Threats "Now that health reform has passed, Republicans are angrier than ever. ..."
�Deem and Pass� Ditty My limerick explains the real reason 'deem and pass' health reform plans were abandoned.
Religion Hits Bottoms "CDD is an odd Christian fad
For punishing wives when they�re 'bad.' ..."
Et Tu, Dennis? "Big news on the health reform front: Dennis Kucinich caved. ..."
Hayworth�s Marriage Menagerie (Limerick) "J.D. Hayworth, in an effort to out-wingnut John McCain in Arizona�s Senatorial primary, is claiming that legalized same-sex marriage can lead to man-horse nuptials. ..."
Holier-Than-Thou Wars "The GOP�s trying to smack
The Dems on their ethics. How whack! ..."
Ode To An Obstructionist "As you undoubtedly know, Senator James Bunning (R-Kentucky) is retiring at the end of the year � and none too soon. Embittered and unstable, Jim Bunning seems determined to inflict as much damage as possible during his final months in office. ..."
Subversive Limerick "South Carolina is a very entertaining state � if you�re into oddball politicians and very strange laws. ..."
Gosh-Darn Pols! " California Assembly�s decree:
The first week of March is �cuss-free.�..."
A Limerick For Lamar "As Steve Benen points out, we�ve already tried incrementalism. ..."
Frankly My Dear Gaffney, You�re Nuts "Right-wing activist Frank Gaffney is at it again. His latest tin-foil hat paranoia involves the Missile Defense Agency�s website logo ..."
Ode To GOP Stimulus Hypocrisy "It�s getting hard to keep track of all the Republican 'trash and cash' Recovery Act hypocrisy. ..."
Dear Obama, Enough With The Voltaire "I don�t know about you, but I�m getting really tired of this line frequently used by Obama and other pols: 'America can�t afford to let the perfect be the enemy of the good.' ..."
Senator Bayh, Buh Bye! "Senator Evan Bayh (Pretend-Dem-Indiana) has announced that he won�t seek reelection this year. ..."
Notes on your hand,
Notes on your hand,
Lookin� like a fool
With your notes on your hand. ..."
Ode To Barack Hussein Hoover "Responding to his political crisis, President Obama is doing precisely the wrong thing. ..."
Ode To Weak-Kneed Democrats "In the wake of the Massachusetts election debacle, I keep naively expecting Democrats to wake up and smell the need to stop acting like patsies. ..."
Ode To Odious Corporate Personhood "There�s nothing funny about the U.S. Supreme Court�s activist ruling in Citizens United v. Federal Election Commission. ..."
Joe �Vote 60? No Mo� (Limerick) "I�ve been searching for a positive note in the Massachusetts election debacle and its effect on health care reform and Obama�s agenda. ..."
Al-Qaeda Talking Points? "Are prominent right-wingers acting as unpaid PR agents for al Qaeda, in their zeal to undermine Obama? ..."
Telling Tiger To Convert Just Ain�t Kosher "Up until now, I�ve avoided writing about Tiger Woods� serial philandering. But Brit Hume�s outrageous comments leave me no choice. According to Hume, if Tiger Woods wants forgiveness, he must convert from Buddhism to Christianity. ..."
Shameless Republicans On Christmas Attack "Republicans have been treating Nigerian Abdulmutallab�s failed Christmas Day bombing of Flight 253 like a Christmas gift from Al Qaeda � something really juicy to exploit. ..."
Dressing Down The President "Removing the Medicare buy-in from the Senate health reform bill (to appease Senator Lieberman) was the last straw for Howard Dean. Dean says, �Kill the Senate Bill,� and I�m inclined to agree. ..."
�No-Man� Joe "When it comes to health care reform, Joe Lieberman is acting like a petulant baby: �Wah, wah, wah! Dump the public option, or I filibuster. So there!� ..."
Dick Cheney�s Steno Pool "Somebody please explain why the garbage and lies spewed by Richard Cheney are routinely treated like they�re gospel. ..."
Testy Republicans "By now you�ve surely heard about the GOP�s proposed conservative 'purity test,' a ten-point litmus test advocated by James Bopp Jr. and others to weed out party 'undesirables.' ..."
Fraidy-Cat Republicans "According to Republicans, it�s way too dangerous for Obama�s Attorney General Eric Holder to try terrorists in federal courts. And that seems just a wee bit odd. ..."
Bowing � And Scraping Bottom "Fox News and all the usual wingnut suspects are simply horrified because President Obama, in a show of diplomatic courtesy, bowed to Emperor Akihito of Japan. ..."
Stupak Stupidity "The Republican National Committee, the wingnutty Focus on the Family, and both groups� donors are abortion-loving baby killers. Yes, I was shocked too. But it�s true, if you follow the thought process behind the Stupak Amendment to its logical conclusion. ..."
Stewing Over Stupak "This feminist is furious over the abortion-coverage-banning Stupak Amendment to the House health care reform bill. And no, Stupak isn�t a Hyde Amendment-equivalent. It�s the Hyde Amendment on steroids. ..."
Celebrating Sarah "On behalf of my fellow New Yorkers, I want to thank Sarah Palin for her generous gift to the State of New York. Palin�s leadership in driving moderates like Dede Scozzafava out of the Republican party handed New York Democrats a Congressional Seat (District 23) that had eluded Dems for well over a century. ..."
�Short On Facts� Fox "One of the silliest Republican (and Fox News) talking points is that the Democratic health reform bill is too long. ..."
A Limerick For Traitor Joe "Traitor Joe Lieberman is back to his old tricks, once again trying to undermine Democrats. ..."
Bystander President? "Recent comments by Sen. Jay Rockefeller and others indicate
that a strong public option could become a reality, if only President Obama stopped being a Bystander President. ..."
Ode To Party-First Republicans "Remember when you could tell the difference between right-wing loons and your average Republican politician? ..."
Ode To Pro-Rape Republicans "Thirty Senate Republicans voted to keep rape victims who work for defense contractors from having their day in court. ..."
Newt�s Bilingual Newspeak "Newt Gingrich, you�ve got some �splainin� to do! Please tell me how someone who has repeatedly railed against bilingualism can launch a bilingual website. ..."
Glenn Beck, Keep Your Grubby Paws Off Yom Kippur "I may be a non-practicing Jew, but I�m deeply offended by Glenn Beck�s attempt to co-opt and politicize Yom Kippur, the holiest day of the Jewish year. ..."
Chris Wallace Feels Dissed "Poor Chris Wallace has been whining to Bill O�Reilly about Fox News Sunday not getting an Obama interview. ..."
Balking At The Baucus Bill "Wendell Potter, the former health insurance industry executive-turned-whistleblower, presents a scathing analysis of the Max Baucus health reform plan. ..."
The Not-So-Frugal Traveler "South Carolina�s Governor Mark Sanford sure has expensive travel habits for such a 'frugal conservative.' ..."
Alpha-Political Verse 2009 "From time to time, I write an alphabetical poem summing up a period�s zany and significant political moments. ..."
Ode To Ted Kennedy "Aa serious double limerick to commemorate the life and death of the great Senator Ted Kennedy: ..."
Ode To The White House Fashion Police "The White House fashion police are at it again: First Lady Michelle Obama was caught wearing shorts on her way to a Grand Canyon vacation! The horror! ..."
An Open Limerick To President Obama " Watching Republicans out-maneuver President Obama on �bi-partisan� health care reform has been so painful, I sometimes feel forced to avert my eyes. ..."
Tantrum Politics "Planning to attend a local town hall meeting about health care reform? Hoping to learn something and to express your opinion? Well, be sure to bring a pair of ear plugs. Because the only thing you�re likely to hear is an enraged, screaming mob. ..."
Our Liberal Media "Steve Benen points out the contrast between the coverage of two abortion-related polls: ..."
Waterloo Lies "The GOP�s spreading big lies
To ensure that our health reform dies ...."
Dear Senator Inhofe "Boohoohoo! Poor, innocent Republicans are being hassled by wingnut birthers � loons who would refuse to believe President Obama was born in the U.S., even if they witnessed his Hawaiian birth themselves. ..."
Dueling Scandals "Senator John Ensign surely celebrated when Governor Mark Sanford�s soul-mate scandal took Ensign�s sex-capade off Page 1. ...�
Translating Sarah "Why does Sarah Palin need to be Alaska�s governor, when she has Facebook? ...�
Flailin' Palin "Help! I can�t keep those Republican governors straight. For instance, why is Sarah Palin giving up her Alaska Governor gig? Some sort of wildlife scandal involving 'dead fish' and a 'lame duck?' ...�
Ode to Mark �Sweet Talker� Sanford "South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford shouldn�t resign because he�s an unfaithful, lying, hypocrite � although he�s all that and more. ...�
De-Moralized? "I�ve heard some twisted rationalizations over the years. But Rush Limbaugh�s attempt at blaming Obama for Mark Sanford�s failings really takes the cake. ...�
Mark Sanford�s Trail � Of Hypocrisy "All the explanations for Gov. Mark Sanford�s absence � the recharging, the writing, the catching up on projects, the naked Appalachian Trail hiking � are officially inoperative. ...�
Steeley Plan For Health Care "Life would be ever so much easier, if only RNC Chairman Michael Steele had Barack Obama�s gig. For instance, we�d be able to solve our health care problems in a nanosecond. ...�
Mark Sanford � Lost? Or Losing It? "I don�t know what�s weirder � the fact that South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford�s been missing since Thursday, or that his wife doesn�t seem at all worried. ...�
Not So Belle "I tend to avoid embroilment in comment fights. But Sunday was an exception. ...�
Hannity Insanity "Few people are better at creating a Krauthammer-lauded 'alternate reality' than Fox�s Sean Hannity. ...�
Liz Cheney's Song (Song Parody to Maria)
"Liz Cheney.
You just can�t avoid Lizzie Cheney.
The former Veep�s to blame.
Their surnames are the same, you see. ...�
Bankrupt Values "Republicans have no shortage of things to fulminate about. One of their favorites? The General Motors bankruptcy. ...�
Ode To Mark Krikorian "The National Review�s Mark Krikorian is having problems with Judge Sonia Sotomayor�s name. ...�
Ben Nelson, DINO � Or Dinosaur? "If you didn�t know Sen. Ben Nelson�s a Democrat, you�d swear he�s a conservative Republican. And that�s why the fantasy of a Frankenized, filibuster-proof Senate is ludicrous. ...�
Ode To The Deceitful Cheneys "The omni-presence of Dick and Liz Cheney on (as Rachel Maddow loves to call it) �the TV machine� is nearly enough to get me to toss out my televisions. ...�
Ode To Tropical Breeze Colonoscopies "It wasn�t bad enough that Sen. Jeff Sessions cited �tropical breezes� in extolling the glories of Gitmo. Now we have Sen. Jim Inhofe bragging about Gitmo�s health care � colonoscopies for inmates over fifty-five. Whoopee! ...�
Ode to Mike �The Poet� Huckabee �I have some new competition in the political poetry arena. Apparently, former Arkansas Gov. Mike Huckabee fancies himself a poet and has written an anti-Pelosi screed in the form of a really bad poem called Fancy Nancy. ...�
My Homage To Feigned Outrage �Republicans (and Joe Lieberman) have been staging yet another temper tantrum. ...�
Ode To The Wingnutty Pete Sessions �It sounds like Texas Congressman Pete Sessions could use some � uh � sessions on somebody�s couch. ...�
The Dreaded E-Word �President Obama recently used the e-word in connection with his yet-to-be-named U.S. Supreme Court nominee, and the Republicans were (or pretended to be) horrified. ...�
Which Veep Talks Too Much? �Dick Cheney refuses to crawl back into his undisclosed location � and Democrats rejoice: ...�
Two Dicks �Dick Cheney and Rush Limbaugh have been having quite the love fest lately. Of course, they�ve always been in bed together: ...�
Ode To Fresh Faces �Republican planning is plain.
They want to rebrand, they explain. ...�
Quaking Over Handshakes �Newsflash via a Republican video ad: Obama is endangering the U.S. by consorting with foreign leaders like Venezuela�s Hugo Chavez and Saudi King Abdullah bin Abdul Aziz. ...�
Karl�s Roving Standards (Double Limerick) �Nothing brings out Republican hypocrisy like a nice, juicy U.S. Supreme Court vacancy. Take Karl Rove, for instance, on Obama�s potential nominees to replace Justice David Souter: ...�
Secession? Did I Say Secession? "For such a fan of secession, Texas Gov. Rick Perry sure is quick to ask for federal bucks. Hurricane disaster assistance? Check. Antiviral medications to combat swine flu? Check. ...�
They Only Have Themselves To Blame �On Thursday, Obama sent the filibuster-happy Republicans a message: Their zero-vote obstructionism has consequences. ...�
Rudy's Family Values �To marry your cousin is fine.
To pretend not to know it � divine. ...�
Yet Another Ode To Republican Hypocrisy �My latest double limerick, written in an antibiotic haze and inspired by Texas Gov. Rick Perry�s secession talk brouhaha: ...�
Fox Pundits At Sea �Fox News �pundit� rants always look foolish, especially when they�re packed with gleeful predictions of Democratic failures. And most especially when their predictions turn out to be dramatically wrong. ...�
Dogged Journalism �At long last, we have an answer to these burning questions: What kind of dog will Obama get daughters Malia and Sasha, and when will he get it? ...�
Republican Road To Remedial Math �I, for one, thoroughly enjoyed the House Republicans� number-free budget. And I�m looking forward to the expanded version they�ve promised for next week � the one that won�t have any letters in it either. ...�
Ode To AP's Ron Fournier �After President Obama�s outstanding performance during his second primetime press conference, the AP�s Ron Fournier had some column inches to fill. So, what words of wisdom did he share in his 'news analysis'? Obama really 'likes to have [his words] up on the Teleprompter.' ...�
Email Swiped From Dick Cheney's In-Box �Some Republicans think Dick Cheney�s making things worse for their party. Don�t believe me? Here�s an email I managed to swipe from Cheney�s in-box: ...�
Ode To The Laughter-Police �I could have sworn that Obama�s 60 Minutes interview was both serious and informative. But I guess that�s what happens when you watch something yourself, instead of relying on press accounts. ...�
Fuming About Hume �What delicious irony � Brit Hume bitching about blogger partisanship. ...�
Ode To The Easily Offended �President Obama was witty and entertaining on last night�s Leno appearance, and what�s the upshot? He�s forced to apologize for a self-deprecating, throwaway line comparing his bowling performance to the Special Olympics. ...�
Tough Negotiators, Those Bushies! �I practiced law for over a dozen years and negotiated lots of contracts. And, unlike the Bush administration, I always kept my poker face. Why? Because if you want the best possible deal, you must make the other party think that he needs you more than you need him. ...�
Dear Boss, Where�s My Bonus? �The AIG bonus fiasco has been very enlightening. Giving incompetent employees huge bonuses, so they won�t resign? And with taxpayer cash yet? What a concept! ...�
Go Away Already, Bushie Spinmeisters! �The Bush-Cheney spinmeisters refuse to go away. Last week it was Ari Fleischer, and this week it�s Dana Perino on CSPAN�s Washington Journal. ...�
Ode To Ari Fleischer �The stream of deceit that came pouring out of Ari Fleischer�s belligerent mouth during his Chris Matthews� interview must surely have set some sort of record. ...�
Can�t Win An Argument On The Merits? Just Use The �Distraction� Gambit. �Republicans love to attack Obama�s initiatives by claiming they�re distractions from his �fix the economy� job. Apparently, if the economy continues to tank, it�s because he wasted all that time signing an executive order opening up stem cell research. ...�
Steele-Buyers� Remorse �It seems Republican National Committee members are having second, third, and fourth thoughts about having named Michael Steele to be Chairman of the RNC. ...�
Ode To GOP Grovelers (Song Parody to the Mickey Mouse Club Song) �Who�s in charge of the GOP? Based on all the groveling and Limbaugh-tuckus-licking, it�s surely the guy with �talent on loan from God� � even though God foreclosed over a decade ago. ...�
Ode To Bobby �Kenneth the Page� Jindal �I hate to pile on to the Bobby-Jindal-channeled-Kenneth-the-Page assault. Okay I lied � I just love to pile on. ...�
Ode To Roland Burris �The (I hope) soon-to-be-ex-Senator Roland Burris is quite the word weasel, isn�t he? So I thought I�d join the calls for his resignation with my latest limerick: ...�
Obama Hasn�t Fixed Everything Yet? What�s Taking Him So Long? �I can�t decide whether Bret Stephens is nuts or just a really bad satirist. I�m referring to his Wall Street Journal column entitled Obama�s Charm Isn�t Working Wonders Abroad, in which he recites a litany of foreign policy problems and wonders why Obama hasn�t solved them all yet. After all, it�s been twenty-one whole days! ...�
D.C. Snow Job �Life in Washington, D.C. must be great! Otherwise, the D.C. Council would surely have better things to do than passing laws that require drivers to remove snow from their cars. ...�
Only Peons Have To Pay Taxes �First Tim Geithner, and now Tom Daschle. Anyone else getting tired of rich, powerful people failing to pay taxes, saying �Oops! Sorry! My bad!� and getting away with it? ...�
An Alpha-Political Farewell To George Bush & Dick Cheney �A is for Jack Abramoff who�s big in pay-to-play.
B�s for greedy bankers who have fleeced the USA.
C is for Sen. Craig who isn�t gay, except in bed.
D is for democracy which Dubya hasn�t spread. ...�
Irony Has At Least Seven More Lives �Once again, the media is debating the purported death of irony. Nine-eleven killed it the last time, and this year�s culprit is Barack Obama. Lucky for humorists (and their readers), irony apparently has a cat-like nine lives. ...�
Dear Bush, Doesn�t Your Brush Need Clearing? �Like The New York Times� Gail Collins and so many others, I think Bush and Cheney need to take early retirement. Otherwise, by the time Obama is president, there won�t be anything left to preside over. ...�
Where�s My Personal Shopper? "After seeing Sarah Palin prance around in so much stylish, pricey-looking apparel, I wrongly assumed Alaska was so sort of fashion Mecca. ...�
Is GOP Idiocy Real, Or Is It Memorex? "What on earth is the matter with Republicans like Rep. Michelle Bachmann and Rep. Robin Hayes? Not only do they say insane things, but they deny saying them, as if recording devices had never been invented. ...�
Ode To David Frum "David Frum, infamous for fathering (or at least taking credit for fathering) the phrase �Axis of Evil,� took on the wrong person last night. I�m referring, of course, to Rachel Maddow. ..."
Sarah In Wonderland "A bipartisan legislative panel in Alaska finds Sarah Palin guilty of abusing her executive power. So is Palin contrite? Hahahahaha! ...�
Team Of Liars (Limerick)
�The McCain/Palin team now is rife
With liars, including John�s wife. ...�
A Do-Over Supreme Court Test For Palin? "According to Fred Thompson, Sarah Palin�s inability to name a single Supreme Court case she disagrees with wasn�t her fault. ..."
Dear �Everyday Working Class� Sarah "How many 'everyday, working-class Americans' do you know who own 'a single-engine plane, two boats, two personal watercraft and a half-million-dollar, custom-built home on a lake�'�?
An Ode To Crybaby Republicans "Even The Wall Street Journal�s editorial page thinks Republicans are crybabies about the bailout bill. ...�
Did The Dog Eat John McCain�s Debate Notes? "The guy who almost never shows up for Senate votes, is apparently planning to swoop into Washington, fix our fiscal crisis and, only then, resume campaigning and debate. ...�
Dear John McCain: Thank you, thank you, thank you! "Why am I, a liberal feminist, thanking you with such enthusiasm? Because by naming Sarah Palin to be your running mate, you�ve turned my life around. ..."
Bailin' On Palin? "How nice that John McCain is finally getting around to vetting his temper-tantrum-inspired, Lieberman/Ridge-rebound Veep pick. ..."
Sarah Who??? "Sarah Palin For Veep? I knew John McCain and his Rovian puppet masters were cynical, but this takes the cake. ..."
Kristol-izing Feminism "So Bill Kristol�s a feminist. Who knew? Yes, William Kristol, Republican con man, is oh so terribly concerned about the glass ceiling perpetuated by Barack Obama when he chose Joe Biden for his running mate, denying Hillary Clinton her shot at Veep. ..."
McCain's Bellicose Tune (Song Parody -- Sing to I�m Popeye The Sailor Man)
"I�m tougher than nails, I am.
I stand up for Uncle Sam.
The other guy�s weak,
While I�m still at my peak,
Cuz I�m tougher than nails, I am! ..."
My "Dear John" Edwards Letter (Limerick)
"Dear John, to your run I said, "Yay!"
And I thought you�d go far, come what may. ..."
Media Sheep "McCain�s a straight talker.
Ignore all his lying.
Obama is pompous.
He�s humble? Not buying!
That�s the agreed-upon narrative. See? ..."
A Humorist�s Lament "By now, everyone�s surely seen Barry Blitt�s New Yorker cover, depicting Barack Obama as a flag-burning, bin Laden-loving, fist-bumping Muslim. Intended to satirize �The Politics of Fear,� the image is being widely criticized as reinforcing the very stereotypes it seeks to mock. ..."
George Who??? "After losing three back-to-back Congressional races in solid Republican districts, the GOP has a spanking new game plan. ..."
Dear Supreme Sacrificer "So you gave up your golf � I don�t care.
It is hardly the cure for despair. ..."
Ode To Pious John McCain "The Philly Inq�s Dick Polman really nails it in his must-read post about John McCain�s 'artful dance with North Carolina Republican leaders, who have fashioned a low-road, anti-Obama advertisement that is slated to air on statewide TV next Monday.' ...�
McCain's New Campaign Slogan "John McCain has been having a tough time raising campaign money lately. So I thought I�d help out with a McCain campaign slogan haiku � gratis. ..."
Dear Ralph: Go Away! "I used to think Ralph Nader keeps running for president because he�s an egomaniac and a blowhard. But I�m starting to suspect that he suffers from Dubya-disease � he needs to feel relevant. ..."
Hey Pundits, Stifle Yourselves! "I can�t decide what�s more annoying � when pundits are wrong, or when they insist on finding meaning in the meaningless, deep significance in utter nonsense. ..."
Is Black The New Teflon? "The impression I�ve been getting lately is that every barb and criticism aimed at Obama is almost bound to be characterized as racist by Obama surrogates. ..."
I Won't Graciously Submit To Mike Huckabee "How lovely! In addition to Huckabee�s other �charming� attributes, he�s a �wives should graciously submit to their husbands� aficionado. ..."
My Family Needs Me (Limerick and Video -- Read It or Watch It) "I�m always amused when politicians and other public figures get into legal hot water and develop a sudden urge to spend more time with their family. ..."
Hillary Clinton Joke (Video) "I�ve been playing around with creating short video clips and I�ve finally succeeded. So if you�d like to see me tell a joke I wrote about Hillary Clinton and the issue of drivers licenses for illegal aliens, here it is. ..."
Why Are These Journalists Smiling? (Limerick) "I�ve noticed that many reporters and talking heads are almost giddy over Hillary Clinton�s recent stumbles and the rumored return of Barack Obama�s mojo. ..."
First Pakistan And Then... (Haiku) "While Bush and Cheney are busily threatening World War 3 over of Iran�s potential future nuclear threat, ..."
Ode To Our Petulant Prez (Limerick) "George Bush has been sounding extra whiney lately. The poor guy! Those abusive Dems have been torturing him, giving him a mere 98% of what he asks for. ..."
Heckofajob, Karen! (Haiku) "So Karen Hughes has resigned from her job to 'promote America�s values ...'"
The Poetry Of Rudy Giuliani "Did you know that Rudy Giuliani is a poet? Me neither. So I was really surprised to unearth the poetry of Rudy Giuliani. Here are six poems I found in the Rudy Reader: ..."
Message To Obama: Hammer! Don't Stammer! (Haiku) "This is starting to get silly. It seems like every other day, Barack Obama promises to bolster his lagging poll numbers by changing his campaign style and getting tough on Hillary Clinton. ..."
Pondering Condi "Condi Rice�s testimony this past week, in which she belligerently defended the State Department�s work in Iraq, was her first appearance before a Democratically-controlled House Oversight and Government Reform Committee. True to form, she blamed everything but the Bush�s many administration failures for the problems in Iraq: ..."
Pondering Rudy "I live in New York City, so I�m pretty familiar with the pros and cons of Rudy Giuliani. And yes, there are pros. What pros? Well, Rudy does love opera. ..."
Shorter Michael Mukasey "Here�s how I�d sum up Attorney General nominee Mike Mukasey�s Senate Judiciary Committee testimony..."
SCHIP Haiku "At long last, the real reason George W. Bush vetoed SCHIP..."
Is Rove's Loyalty Roving? "How amusing! Karl Rove wants to be remembered for something more than just being the �Brain� of the worst President in U.S. history..."
Curb Your Age Of Turbulence Enthusiasm "Poor little innocent Alan Greenspan is shocked, SHOCKED, I TELL YOU, by the Bush administration�s budget deficits and loss of fiscal discipline. ..."
Petraeus and Crocker Face Hume Humiliation "I had to laugh when I heard about Brit Hume�s exclusive Fox interview with General David Petraeus and Ambassador Ryan Crocker �about the state of the Iraq war and their testimony to Congress.� What�s the matter � wasn�t Hannity available? ..."
Bush Gaffes Used To Make Me Laugh "These days I find Bush gaffes more sad than amusing. But I couldn�t resist this great headline: Bush backs �Austrian troops� at �OPEC�. ..."
Mustachioed Men -- Downtrodden Minority? "Is the American Mustache Institute (AMI) for real? When I first read about it, I figured it must surely be fictitious. Either that � or John Bolton�s new employer. ..."
Dirty White House Complains About Gonzales "Mud" "Poor Alberto Gonzales! During those countless (and fruitless) Congressional hearings, Gonzales had but one job � protect George Bush. And so he lied, obfuscated, feigned amnesia, and did everything he could to muddy the truth. ..."
Vladimir Putin -- Gym Rat? "Have you seen this photo of Russian President Vladimir Putin? Boy, that Pootie-Poot is majorly buff! ..."
Yet Another Snow Job? "I wasn�t surprised to hear that Tony Snow plans to leave his Bush spokesperson gig when his �money runs out,� and possibly as early as September. ..."
Message: I Share � Your Goals. (Bush to the Revolting Republicans) "Dan Froomkin isn�t surprised that �confronted with a tide of anti-war sentiment and a growing number of defecting Republican lawmakers, the White House is changing not its policy on Iraq, but its message. ...�
Bloody Hell, It'll Be Bloody "That great seer, soothsayer, and visionary George Bush predicted Thursday that August may be a bloody month in Iraq: ..."
He's Staying! So, There! "No, I�m not talking about Alberto Gonzales, although Gonzo seems to be staying too � so far, at least. I�m referring to yet another Bush administration miscreant: ..."
Bush Speaks Loudly And Carries A Small Stick "What important business did President Bush conduct this weekend? He waved a small stick � a conductor�s baton � while pretending to conduct a symphony orchestra. ..."
Ode To The Lame GOP Gang Of Eleven "Please forgive me for not being all that impressed with the Republican Gang of Eleven, who supposedly hammered George Bush about Iraq and had the 'most unvarnished conversation they�ve ever had with the president.' ..."
The Commander Guy Uncensored "George Dubya, our swaggering action-figure president, has dubbed himself 'The Commander Guy.' Okay, that�s absurd enough. But here�s the part you may have missed: ..."
Bush's Iraq Strategy: Here ... Catch "President Codpiece celebrated �Mission Accomplished� day by vetoing the Iraq war spending bill. Why turn down money he�s just dying to get his grubby hands on? Cause those mean Dems are trying to make him end the war some time during his Presidency. ..."
Serenade For The First Sufferers (Song Parody) "I�m betting that Laura Bush can finally say goodbye to her relatively high approval numbers. Why? Because on this morning�s Today Show, Laura said something to Anne Curry that�s way beyond obnoxious. ..."
Merchants Of Hype "On April 1, 2007 U.S. Senators John McCain and Lindsey Graham held a press conference in Iraq, in which Sen. Graham rhapsodized about buying �five rugs for five bucks� in a Baghdad marketplace. ..."
Truth On The Lam "Rachel Maddow has an update on Orrin Hatch�s smear campaign against Carol Lam, the U.S. Attorney for San Diego who was recently fired by the Justice Department. ..."
Dems Pull Bush's Chain (Limerick)
"The Congressional Dems reached a deal.
No, it isn�t ideal, yet I feel ..."
Why I Don't Hate My Hate Mail "There are folks quite averse to my verse.
In their emails, perverse, how they curse! ..."
Why I Won�t Use What�s-Her-Name�s Name Anymore "Here�s a good story about the hate-filled, bigoted venom directed at John Edwards, which was recently spewed by a person whose name I will no longer mention, because it only encourages her. ..."
Happy Presidents' Day? "It�s Presidents� Day, but I�m glum,
Cause our President�s worse than a bum. ..."
I Guess They Miss The �Good Old Days� "This weekend�s Senate session reminds me of the fuss Republicans made when Senator Reid and Speaker Pelosi imposed a substantially longer work week on Congress. Some even argued that the imposition of a 5-day work week proved that Democrats are anti-family. ..."
To Be Honest... "�In all candor� prepares me for lies
When it�s said by political guys. ..."
Blogroll Scrooges Must Be Punished "Some major bloggers (most prominently Atrios/Eschaton and Kos) have recently instituted a blogroll purge, eliminating, for the most part, all but the usual suspects. And to add insult to injury, they referred to it in Orwellian fashion as 'Blogroll Amnesty Day.' ..."
Ode To Little John Warner "You just have to love it: Senator John Warner helped kill the debate on Bush�s surge, voting to block a vote on his own Warner-Levin Iraq War Resolution: ..."
Ode To The Great Molly Ivins "Alas, the magnificent Molly Ivins has died. To call her a great wit and outstanding journalist would be an understatement. She has always been an inspiration to me and to every other liberal I know who tries to write political satire. ..."
Mess? What Mess? "From Dub�s State of the Union address,
Who would guess that our nation�s a mess? ..."
Jenna Bush, Author? "In a move sure to aggravate unagented (and poorly agented) authors, Jenna Bush has scored a high-powered literary agent � Robert Barnett. ..."
Bellicose Bush "I�ve finally figured out George Dubya�s philosophy: If you can�t solve a problem, make it bigger: ..."
Bush�s Surge Speech: A Mad Preview "Another Bush war speech is on the horizon. Oh, goody! Actually, I�m not sure I�ll be able to force myself to watch next week�s speech, in which Bush is expected to announce a politically motivated �surge and accelerate plan.� But I�ve heard enough Bush speeches to sum this one up in a limerick, without even seeing it: ..."
Bush On The Couch; Dub On The Divan "Justin A. Frank, M.D., author of �Bush on the Couch,� makes a convincing case that George W. Bush is a sociopath in this fascinating Buzzflash interview. ..."
Shopping For A New President Would Be Nice "President Bush had some words of wisdom for us at Wednesday�s press conference: �I encourage you all to go shopping more.� ..."
Haiku For A Former "Genius" I was amused to read that, in the wake of last week�s Republican debacle, Karl Rove remains 'steadfast' ..."
Mad Kane Gets Greedy "I am blissful, contented, and happy.
The election results weren�t crappy. ..."
A Convenient Noose "As SNL�s Churchlady used to say, �How con-veeeeeeee-ni-ent!� I�m referring, of course, to the Saddam Hussein death by hanging sentence, ..."
Bush and Cheney's Blunderland (Song Parody -- Sing To Winter Wonderland)
"Rummy�s great, and he�s staying.
No debate. Stop your braying.
'Fantastic' at war!
Bush Rummy adores.
Welcome to Bush/Cheney�s Blunderland. ..."
Thoughts Of Elections Past "A pair of poems today � more serious than usual � inspired by the latest attempt to swift-boat John Kerry. ..."
Ode To Lynne Cheney "The author of Sisters, named Lynne,
Thinks her party at all costs must win. ..."
Rush Limbaugh Verse " Limbaugh maligned Michael Fox,
Who is ill and admired and rocks. ..."
Leave No Bewildered Bush Behind (Haiku) "Dear Dub: You seem to be having a tough time telling the difference between �tactics� and �strategy.� Perhaps this haiku will help: ..."
He Misled Song Parody (Sing To Mr. Ed)
"Bush never said �stay the course,� of course.
And no one can challenge this ass of horse.
He lies, perforce, to change the course of election day ahead. ..."
Chatty Jack "Jack Abramoff has been so helpful to the FBI�s widening corruption investigation, that they�ve given him his own desk. I never thought I�d say this, but keep up the great work, Jack! ..."
Bush Stays His Lying Course "Watching Dubya lie isn�t exactly a novelty. But claiming he never said �stay the course� is pretty damn brazen, even for Bush. ..."
Dear Peggy "It�s always embarrassing for me to admit this, but Peggy Noonan and I went to the same high school � Massapequa High School on Long Island, New York. ..."
Frist And Hastert Rediscover The Constitution "Frist and Hastert don't care if the Bush administration invades the privacy of ordinary citizens. Nor do they seem bothered by the Executive branch's brazen power grab, evidenced by Bush's "de facto veto" signing statements, Congressional oversight avoidance, and sundry law breaking. But just let the Justice Department mess with one of their own..."
Ode To Kenny Boy (To be sung to the tune of "Danny Boy")
"Oh Kenny Boy, the jails, the jails are calling,
From state to state, and through the world so wide.
The money's gone, and all the chips are falling,
'Tis you, 'tis you must go and you must hide..."
Tabloid Times "It's only May 2006, and the New York Times is already doing trashy, tabloid-style coverage of the Clintons. What's the matter, New York Times? You didn't have a juicy Iran-war-inducing story to plant on your cover page? ..."
Ode To Rep. Jefferson "Rep. Jefferson seems to have stashed
90 grand in his freezer - cold cash..."
Sleeper VEEP "There once was a GOP VEEP
Who in meetings fell soundly asleep..."
The White House Shakeup Song (Sing to Good King Wenceslas)
"Bolten's cleaning house they claim.
He needs staffers brainy.
Upward polls are Bolten's aim.
Why not start with Cheney? ..."
Faking Contrition - Song Parody (Sing to "Waltzing Matilda")
"Faking contrition.
Faking contrition.
Cheney feels bad that he shot his good friend.
If you don't buy his story, you're a lib'ral Democrat.
Leave him alone. This harassment must end..."
Don't Hunt With Dick Cheney Song Parody (Sing to "On Top Of Old Smokey")
"Don't hunt with Dick Cheney.
You might end up dead.
He'll aim for your torso,
Or even your head..."
Say Goodbye To Tom DeLay -- Song Parody (Sing to "Yesterday")
"Tom DeLay,
He's got troubles. They won't go away.
Jack's pled guilty and he'll have his say.
So say goodbye to Tom DeLay..."
Auld Lang Impeachment -- Song Parody (Sing to "Auld Lang Syne")
"Bush/Cheney's wrongs won't be forgot.
Each one we'll keep in mind.
These evil men must be locked up
For all their many crimes.
They spied on U.S. citizens.
They lied us into war..."
Preacher Pat -- Limerick "Preacher Pat once again made me groan,
When he spoke of the ailing Sharon..."
Bill O'Reilly's Faux War On Christmas Song Parody (Sing to "Get Me To The Church On Time")
"Bill says we're waging war on Christmas,
Spouting another Fox News lie.
Bill's rarely proper.
Loves telling whoppers.
Ain't nothing that his fans won't buy..."
Ode To Bob Woodward "Bob Woodward had an ax to grind
When Plamegate he critiqued.
We've finally learned that Woodward
Was the first to get that leak.
He failed to tell his audience..."
Yet Another White House Leak: Harriet Miers Ethics Class Humor "Dear Staffers To the Smartest Man in the Whole World:
As you've probably heard, we've had a teensy glitch in the classified document leaks department: A certain fellow, who shall remain nameless, has been naughty lately, and the press is all over us..."
4 Sam Alito Limericks "There once was a judge named Alito,
Who's often called Judge Sam Scalito.
He's fond of state powers.
At labor he glowers..."
Fitzmas Madness (Poem about pre-Plamegate indictment anxiety)
"I keep scanning the Net
For some news from Pat Fitz.
If he don't indict soon,
I may go on the fritz..."
The Judy Miller Quartet (of Limericks) (Four limericks about Judy Miller, The New York Times and the Plamegate investigation)
"Ms. Miller has written her tale,
And as tales go, it's rather a whale.
Her memory's convenient,
On Libby she's lenient..."
Harriet's Song: Bush Is The Sunshine Of Her Life (Sing to "You Are The Sunshine Of My Life")
"You are the best Prez in the land.
That�s why I always shall be loyal.
You are the smartest living man.
I just can't wait to join the Court..."
Why Bother? "Judge John Roberts' confirmation
Is a certainty, it's true.
We're powerless to stop it..."
Rebuilder-in-Chief "George Bush said he'll Gulf Coast rebuild
In a speech that was platitude filled.
And he'll do it with cash..."
John Roberts & Supreme Court Humor I've put all of my humor related to Judge John Roberts, the U.S. Supreme Court, and court nominee filibusters in one place.
Two John Roberts Limericks "Though Judge Roberts is getting a hearing,
To measure his outlook and bearing,
He's determined to hide..."
A Trio of FEMA Limericks "The FEMA head Michael D. Brown
Helped cause thousands to suffer and drown.
Now he's dodging the blame.
Who's at fault? Val'rie Plame? ..."
Warrior Dub's Anthem -- Song Parody (Sing To "Strangers In The Night")
"Bush didn't pick this fight,
But he shall win it.
We must show our might.
That's how he spins it.
Bush is in the right,
Cause Dubya speaks to God..."
Cheney's Last Throes -- Song Parody (Sing To "On Top Of Old Smokey")
"Dick says the insurgents
Are in their last throes,
The war's almost over,
We're beating our foes..."
Lynching Is Bad? Who knew? "The Senate said that lynching's bad.
It took them long enough.
It's hardly a position rad,
Yet getting there was tough..."
Ode To Misogyny "A liberal blogger named Kos
Once was paid to offensive ad host..."
Dopey Decision Explained In Verse "How dare you smoke that evil grass!
Your pain is no excuse.
The doctor who prescribed your weed,
We'll string up with a noose..."
A Pox On Cox's Nomination "Chris Cox is Dubya's nominee
To head the SEC.
A man who boosted corp'rate rights
With fervor, zeal, and glee..."
The Immoderate Pact Song Parody (Sing to When Johnny Comes Marching Home Again)
"The 'moderates' made a voting pact.
We're screwed, we're screwed.
The 'moderates' got their power back.
We're screwed, we're screwed.
Their deal betrays our democracy..."
The Don't Compromise Song (Sing to Let's Twist Again)
"Let's compromise,"
Words that make me shudder.
Yeah, "let's compromise,"
Words I've grown to fear..."
Injudicious Limericks A pair of limericks "celebrating" Bush judicial nominees Janice Rogers Brown and Priscilla Owen.
The Filibuster Song (Sing to Alouette)
"Filibuster,
Save the filibuster.
Filibuster,
Save Democracy..."
The Madness Is Back "I've been gone for two weeks.
Did I miss something good?
Didn't keep up with the news,
Though I know that I should..."
Cover Girl Coulter "The hate-spewing "pundit" named Ann,
On Time's cover did manage to land..."
AMT Owed Ode -- Tax Poem "The AMT's a sneaky tax.
Though meant to snare the wealthy,
It burdens workers to the max. ..."
Who Can Turn The World Off With A Snarl (Song Parody about John Bolton to be sung to the Mary Tyler Moore Show theme song "Love Is All Around")
"Who mistreats his staff? Who's filled with bile?
Who can take a lovely day, and suddenly ruin it with hate so vile? ..."
Ode To Tom DeLay -- Song Parody (to be sung to "To All The Girls I've Loved Before")
"A Rep whose name is Tom DeLay,
He breaks the rules most ev'ry day.
He don't respect the law,
Thinks ethics are a bore..."
Bernie Ebbers Earns A Limerick "I knew nothing, said WorldCom Inc.'s Bernie,
So I shouldn't make a prison-bound journey..."
Dubya's Democracy Occupation "Democracy cannot succeed,
Said Dubya with a glower.
In countries that are occupied
By mean old foreign powers..."
The Real Reason Condi Gave Canada The Boot They say Condi postponed her trip to British Columbia, Canada as punishment for Canada's refusal to participate in Dubya's pet missile shield program. But I think there's a much simpler explanation: Condi doesn't want to sully her spanking new hot boots with Canadian snow...
Ode To A Dull Drum Beat "Ev'ry ninety days or so,
A blogger's post appears,
That feigns concern for blogging gals
Who pale beside male peers..."
"Dear Scotty -- Mad Kane Applies For White House Press Credentials Dear Scotty: I've always fantasized about being a White House correspondent. But until now, I've never sought so lofty a position because -- silly me -- I assumed you had to be an actual journalist..."
Barbara Boxer Links In Verse "Profiled in the Mercury,
Lauded by Birch Bayh,
Speaking out on budget cons,
And S.S. too. Oh, my..."
But Has He Ever Seen A Scanner? "In case there was ever a doubt at all
That Dubya's out of touch,
His answer to that three-job-mom
Sure proves he don't know much..."
The Gonzales Vote In Verse "Gonzales was a test of sorts:
Can Democrats unite?
Most Senate Dems came through for us,
And fought for what was right..."
Time's Madman of the Year "Time's person of the year
Is Bush once more.
Cause he's good at spreading fear,
And harming the poor?..."
Bush To The Rescue "Our huge trade deficit's no big deal.
According to Bush, it's easy to heal..."
Kerik Alert "George Dubya's named his nominee
To head Homeland Security.
He's Rudy's man from head to toe.
But why Bush wants him, I don't know..."
Is There A Reader In The House? "Republicans have quite a scam:
They load their bills with pork and ham,
And sneak in clauses quite unfair,
Whose merits aren't even aired..."
Halliburton Blows "Dick's fav'rite co
Has blown another job.
Losing stuff's their mo,
When they dare not rob..."
In The Year 2000 "In the Year 2000,
A man named Dub
Stole our Prez election,
Treated Dems like schlubs..."
Bush and Cheney Horrorland Song Parody (to be sung to "Winter Wonderland")
"People die, for no reason.
People starve, 'tis the season.
A terrible blight,
Each night after night,
In the Bush and Cheney Horrorland..."
Georgie Dub "Georgie Dub still won't divulge
The truth behind that telltale bulge..."
Yet Another Anti-Bush Poem "Lost explosives -- many tons.
Feeling safer anyone?
Bush forgot to mind the store.
Must not give him four years more..."
Sinclair's Limerick "A media co. named Sinclair,
Has decreed that its stations must air..."
The Education President Song (to be sung to "I Write The Songs")
"Bush promised parents that he'd fix our schools.
That he'd make sure their children didn't turn out fools.
But all the teachers got were lots of rules..."
Sore Loser Limerick "There once was a man named George Dub,
Who debated and mis'rably flubbed..."
Top Secret Debate Contract Addendum "As most people know by now, President Bush and Senator Kerry have signed on to a 32 page debate agreement. But few are aware that they also signed a secret addendum to that agreement. Fortunately, MadKane.com has an exclusive copy of that secret addendum, provided by a DC insider whom I will identify only as Debate Throat..."
Shipping Bush/Cheney Back Home (to be sung to "The Caissons Go Rolling Along")
"On the Hill, on the dale,
Kerry/Edwards will not fail.
We'll be shipping Bush/Cheney back home..."
Cheney's E-Bray "Be happy and be gay.
It's a fabulous new day.
Things are A-okay.
Cause you're trading on eBay..."
"W" Stands For What? "W" stands for "wrong,"
Says Kerry on the stump.
But some give "wrong" a gong,
And say it should be dumped..."
Odes to the "Zellot" "There once was a turncoat named Zell,
Whose soul to George Bush he did sell..."
Oust George Bush Song Parody (to be sung to "Five Foot Two" a/k/a "Has Anybody Seen My Gal?")
"GOP,
NYC,
It's time to oust them from DC.
Evict George Bush and all his pals..."
The GOP Hits New York Song Parody (to be sung to "When Johnny Comes Marching Home Again")
"The GOP bash will soon be here.
Oh, no! Oh, no!
Won't give 'em a hearty welcome cheer.
Oh, no! Oh, no..."
Dub & Dick's Limerick "George Dub has a Veep named Dick Cheney.
Next to Dub he appears rather brainy..."
Ode to Our Misleader "We have a misleader named George.
On power and lies he does gorge..."
Ode to Ann Coulter "There once was wingnut named Ann,
With one USA Today fan..."
Dick's The Ticket "Dick Cheney's Halliburton teamed
With evil axis, mad regimes,
To make big bucks while Dick was CEO.
Cheney Cheney! I've written so much Dick Cheney humor -- two fake interviews, two song parodies, & a couple of poems -- I figured he deserved his own special page. And so it's time to Cheney Cheney!
Dub's Dream "A dictatorship would be easier, Bush has said in jest..."
Dubya's Plea Our Bishops need to do much more
To safeguard all that's good,
Said Dubya to the Pope when Dub
Was in the neighborhood..."
Dump Bush Song (to be sung to "Here We Go Round The Mulberry Bush")
"We must defeat George W. Bush,
George W. Bush, George W. Bush.
We must defeat George W. Bush.
Vote Kerry this November..."
Mis-Education President Bush swore he'd leave no child behind,
A very worthy goal.
Instead, he left the states a great big budgetary hole.
Unforgivable (to be sung to "Unforgettable")
"I apologize." Bush just won't say,
"I apologize." George Bush? No way!
There's a trail of failures caused by Dub.
He won't say, "I'm sorry." There's the rub.
Never before has someone been more..."
Alpha Politics "A" is for John Ashcroft and the liberties he's mauled.
"B" is for Barb Bush and hub. Dub's birth is all their fault. "C" is for Ms. CondiRice, who speaks so many lies. "D" is for the Dixie Chicks, who dare to Bush despise..."
Ode To The August PDB "When Condoleezza Rice speaks out
Does anybody buy her?
It's hard to fathom how she fumbled warnings, oh so dire..."
Fact-Free Bush (to be sung to "She'll Be Coming Round The Mountain")
"When the facts get in the way you change the facts,
And when facts get in the way, give facts the ax.
When the facts get in the way,
When the facts get in the way,
When the facts get in the way you change the facts..."
Daily Kos Song A song parody about the right wing attack on the liberal Daily Kos weblog, to be sung to the Mister Ed TV show song.
MadKane.com Hires An Ombudsman For years I've been flooded with emails challenging the accuracy of MadKane.com. At first I did what most publications do -- I ignored them. But as time went by, I realized that something had to be done. So in keeping with recent trends and in the interest of sound journalism, I've appointed an ombudsman who'd like to be known only as "Bud." Here is Bud's first report...
AWOL Jobs "Our jobs are disappearing
To nations far and wide.
While Dubya has no plan at all
To stem this risky tide..."
Ralph & Rove "It looks like Ralph Nader is poised to announce another run. I guess he found this email persuasive:
From: [email protected] To: [email protected] Subject: What will it take? ..."
Mass Distraction "A Massachusetts Liberal
They call him with a hiss.
For wingnuts could there ever be
A better Kerry diss..."
Dubya's Poetic Injustice "A humble foreign policy,
Bush promised way back when.
Then wages war preemptively.
For bloodshed Dubya yens..."
2nd Annual Dubya Quote Quiz Can you tell the difference between a satirical Dubya quote and the real enchilada? Take the second annual Dubya Quote Quiz and see.
Dean's Electable (to be sung to "Unforgettable'")
"Dean's electable. Dean worries Karl.
So electable, Rove's nails are gnarled.
It's the fear of Rove that Bush he'll beat,
That he'll send George Dub a huge defeat..."
Almanacs of Evil "If you dare to use an almanac,
The Feds are on your case.
You may swear you're not a maniac,
But charges you could face..."
Bushtown Races "The Bush White House is being praised for not gloating over Saddam Hussein's capture. But is Bush really exercising such uncharacteristic self-restraint? Not according to my sources, who claim he's singing a different tune in the privacy of the Oval Office..."
Oh, What A Mis'rable Failure (to be sung to "Oh, What a Beautiful Mornin'" from "Oklahoma")
"There's a right wingnut based in the White House.
End that right wingnut's stay in the White House.
His lies are piled high as an elephant's eye,
And it looks like they're climbin' clear up to the sky..."
Dubya's Travels, Brit Travails "George Bush so wants to greet the Queen
And pose for photo ops.
He'd also love some signs unseen,
Their bearers nabbed by cops..."
St. Reagan's Song (to be sung to "Just You Wait" from "My Fair Lady")
"He's a saint, Ronald Reagan, he's a saint!
You'll be sorry if you dare to say, he ain't.
A fine bloke who's kind and cunning,
Beat the Russians, great with money.
He's a saint, Ronald Reagan, he's a saint..."
Dubya's Don't Blame Me Song (to be sung to "Good King Wenceslas")
"I didn't do it. Not my fault!
Maybe 'twas some sailor.
Banners ain't my thing at all.
I was with my tailor..."
The Spinning Song (to be sung to "Spinning Wheel" by David Clayton Thomas -- Blood, Sweat & Tears)
"Down is up. Up is down.
Spinners wield lies that confound.
Claimin' that our troubles really prove: We win!
Spreadin' Bush baloney, Dubya smirks as he spins..."
Ode to the Barbed Bushes "George Dubya's mom goes on TV
To plug her book and whine.
She brags about her Forty-three.
Says Dems shouldn't Dub malign..."
General Boykin's Ballad "We're at war against Satan?
A startling idea!
That explains all the hatin'
And mongering fear..."
Press Filter Follies (Dubya's Anti-Media Poem)
"An evil filter is the press.
They lie and say Iraq's a mess.
Though things are going great down there,
You'll never hear it on the air..."
The Traitorgate Song (to be sung to "I Write The Songs" by Barry Manilow)
"The scandal started with a Niger lie
About nuke matter Saddam never did buy.
But Dubya would not let that falsehood die.
It's Traitorgate, it's Traitorgate..."
French Fall Guy Song (to be sung to "I'm Gonna Wash That Man Right Outa My Hair," from South Pacific)
"Bush wants to wash the French right out of his hair.
Old Europe France does things he simply can't bear.
If only France was out of George Bush's hair.
He'd always get his way..."
The Traitor Tune (to be sung to "She'll Be Coming Round The Mountain")
"If you criticize the White House, you're a fool.
Nothing more than an Al Qaeda pal and tool.
If you criticize the White House,
If you criticize the White House,
If you criticize the White House, you're a fool..."
The Blackout Song (to be sung to "Just The Way You Are," by Billy Joel)
"Don't go blaming
George Bush for blackouts.
Electric grids are such a bore..."
Power Pols "How the politicians glower
When they're blamed for losing power.
Make excuses by the hour,
Faces grim and oh so dour..."
Spying Days Are Here Again (To be sung to "Happy Days Are Here Again")
"Spying days are here again.
You aren't safe from evil men.
One might even be a real close friend.
Spying days are here again..."
The Fair & Balanced Song Parody (To be sung to the tune of "Love and Marriage")
"Fair and balanced,
Fair and balanced.
Empty slogans, rabid views, and shrill rants.
Fox calls critics liars.
O'Reilly's filled with angst and ire..."
Yellow Bush of Texas (To be sung to "Yellow Rose of Texas")
"There's a yellow Bush in Texas, that's where he loves to be.
Where Dub can dodge the media, evading scrutiny.
He cries so when he leaves there, it nearly breaks his heart..."
Fabulosa Condoleezza (To be sung to "Mona Lisa")
"Condoleezza, Condoleezza, Dub adores you.
You're so fine at saying falsehoods with a smile.
Is it cause you're female, Condi, that they've blamed you
For your fabulosa fakery and guile..."
Dear John Ashcroft @WeKnowWhoYouAre.gov Secreted out of the White House by "Deep Dubya" -- a frightening questionnaire from the "write President Bush email system" we almost got.
Bush Says The Words (To be sung to "I Write The Songs")
"I say the words that other people write.
Don't give a damn if they are wrong or right.
As long as folks think war is justified.
I say the words, I say the words..."
Bush Misleads (To be sung to "Let It Be")
"We must drive ourselves in times of trouble.
Mustn't tarry, must be free.
We shall work to oust him. Bush misleads..."
Democrats' Anthem: Election 2004 (To be sung to "Blowin' In The Wind")
"How many wars must a President start
Without any reason at all?
How much ill will must a President cause
Until he at last takes the fall?
How many wars must a President launch
Because he is greedy for oil?
The answer my friend is dump Republicans.
The answer is dump Republicans..."
Christie Whitman Went To Town (To be sung to "Yankee Doodle")
"Christie Whitman went to town
To do George Dubya's bidding.
For power acted like a clown,
Enviro head unfitting.
Those who've smelled New Jersey's stink
Got what they expected..."
Ari, Ari (To be sung to "Monday, Monday")
"Ari, Ari, Please don't leave me.
Ari, Ari, You were all I hoped you would be.
Oh, Ari, Ari, Ari, Ari, please guarantee
Through reelection you will still be here with me..."
Bye Bye Mitch (To be sung to "Bye Bye Love")
"Bye bye Mitch,
Mitch D's quit, he says,
He helped make a mess,
I sure ain't gonna cry..."
"Traitor" Chicks Serenade (To be sung to "Lollipop")
"Call 'em Traitor Dixie Chicks, tell you why,
Insulting Bush besmirches apple pie.
So when they try to sing and play and dance,
Man, they haven't got a chance..."
All I Want Is A New Regime (To be sung to "Wouldn't It Be Loverly" from "My Fair Lady")
"All I want is a new regime,
In the White House a brand new team,
From ear to ear I'd beam,
Aow, wouldn't it be loverly..."
The Rummy Poem Slate Missed "Don Rumsfeld wants some muting
Of news that he's disputing
And photos he's refuting,
Cause we've won every fray..."
Antiwar Humor Page. To make it easier to find my antiwar song parodies and comic strips, I've created this antiwar humor page. It also has an annotated list of links to many fine sites featuring antiwar humor.
Don't Cry For Dick's Halliburton (To be sung to the chorus of "Don't Cry For Me, Argentina")
"Don't cry for Dick's Halliburton.
The truth is he never left you.
All through his Veep days,
His mad existence,
He kept his promise.
He went the distance..."
Disinfo Ode "Are we being misled
By reporters embed
Spewing info spoon-fed?
Is the truth being shred..."
Bush Don't Need No Demonstrations (To be sung to "Another Brick in the Wall," by Pink Floyd)
"Bush don't need no demonstrations.
He don't need no 'pinion polls.
No dark forecasts of gloom and war doom.
Peaceniks! Leave George Bush alone..."
More Dubya Comic Strips My latest Dubya Comic Strips are Dubya Doles Out Democracy, Chicken-Hawk President, and Export Nation.
Old George Dubya's Talkin' (To be sung to "Everybody's Talkin'")
"Old George Dubya's talkin' at me.
I don't buy a word he's sayin'.
Can't bear the echoes of his lies..."
Dubya Comic Strips I've created some more Dubya Comic Strips. So far I've posted State of Disunion, Dubya Makes the Grade, Warrior Bush, Phrase-Maker Bush, Sacred Bush, Dubya Does College, Blind Trust, and State of the Union.
Bush and Tony (To be sung to the tune of "Love and Marriage")
"Bush and Tony, Bush and Tony
Go together like a cart and pony.
This I tell you brother
You can't have one without the other.
Bush and Tony, Bush and Tony
Always waging war & being phony..."
Prez From Old New England (To be sung to "Girl From Ipanema")
"Tall and tan and brash and ornery,
The Prez from old New England goes talking,
And when he rants, yes, the Dems he bashes go -- Bah..."
Class Warfare Song (To be sung to "Moon River")
"Class warfare,
Poverty will swell
If Karl and Dubya get
Their way..."
Dubya Quote Quiz Can you tell the difference between a satirical Dubya quote and the real enchilada? Take the first annual Dubya Quote Quiz and see.
Fristy The Surgeon (To be sung to "Frosty The Snowman" by Nelson & Rollins)
"Fristy the surgeon
Was elected on the phone.
With a White House boost got the Leader post.
Will he throw Trent Lott a bone..."
Trent Lott's Lot "Said good ol' boy Trent,
You misconstrued
Just what I meant.
'Twas but a toast to a friend,
Cause he still is not yet dead..."
Bush Loves Things Just The Way They Are (To be sung to "Just The Way You Are" by Billy Joel)
"Don't go blaming
George Bush for Wall Street,
Cause fuzzy math is such a bore..."
Secret To Hide (To be sung to "Ticket To Ride" by Lennon/McCartney)
"The nation's gonna be had.
I think it's today, yeah.
That Bush he's driving me mad
With Henry the K..."
The Rantings Of Trent Lott (To be sung to "The Sidewalks Of New York" by Lawlor & Blake)
"Sounding off in DC
From his Senate stoop,
In his right-wing meetings,
Lott leads a scary group..."
When Liberals Rule (To be sung to "Blue Bayou" by Roy Orbison and Joe Melson)
"I feel so bad, I got a worried mind,
I`m so anxious all the time,
Since the Dems were left far behind
And George Bush rules..."
Say Goodbye To Privacy (To be sung to "Say Goodbye to Hollywood" by Billy Joel)
"Bush is drivin' through a bill that strips rights,
Turns your life to an open, guided tour.
It sends your info to a Fed'ral machine.
It's a scene straight from Nineteen-Eight-Four.
Say goodbye to privacy.
Say goodbye to freedom..."
Tommy's Tune (To be sung to "Alfie" by Hal David & Burt Bacharach)
"What's it all about, Tommy?
Why did Dems get such paltry few wins..."
Handling Harvey "CHENEY: Good morning, Mr. President. We need to discuss the Pitt problem. If anybody asks, we're mulling over the idea of asking Harvey to resign. (Wink, wink)
DUBYA: But I like Harvey. More important -- our pals like Harvey. What's the matter with yur eye?
CHENEY: There's nothing wrong with my eye! If anybody asks, we're mulling over the idea of asking Pitt to resign. (Wink, wink)
DUBYA: I just told ya -- I'm not dumpin Harvey! Ya really should get that eye looked at..."
Bush Don't Want No Arms Inspections (To be sung to "I Can't Get No Satisfaction" by the Rolling Stones)
"I don't want no arms inspections,
I don't want no arms inspections.
But I lie and I lie and I lie and I lie..."
Irresolution Blues (To be sung to "I'm Gonna Sit Right Down and Write Myself a Letter" by Ahlert/Young)
"I had to rubber stamp that Iraq resolution.
And make believe it's right to do.
The GOP is tough to beat.
I'm scared to go down in defeat.
And so I kissed George Bush's bottom.
Please don't think I'm rotten..."
401(k) Ode (Owed) (To be sung to "Toot, Toot, Tootsie, Goodbye" by Kahn, Erdman & Russo)
"Four-Oh-One-Kay, good-bye!
Keeps on dropping, oh my!
Republicans who tell me,
I shouldn't be blue, no words can tell how mad it makes me.
Four-Oh-One-Kay, oh when
Will you rise up again..."
Suin' For The Win (To be sung to "Blowin' In The Wind" by Bob Dylan)
"How many ways can I run unopposed
And still claim that I'm being fair?
How many ways can I get every vote
And land me a Senator's chair?
How many claims can I bring to the courts
Before the election's declared?
The answer my friends is in my lawyers' hands,
The answer is in my lawyers' hands..."
Don't Think Twice, Let's Just Fight (To be sung to "Don't Think Twice" by Bob Dylan)
"Well it ain�t no use to curse and pine and sigh, babe.
If you don't know by now.
And it ain�t no use to miss that other guy, babe.
And the ever rising Dow.
Cause my boosters crow and the weak Dems fawn.
Read any paper. You'll see I've won.
That's the reason I'm warrin' on.
Don't think twice, let's just fight..."
War's A Distraction (To be sung to "Anticipation" by Carly Simon)
"We can never know about the days to come.
But we think about them anyway.
And I wonder how we let Bush bring us down.
Why he always gets his damn mean and evil way.
War's a distraction. War's a distraction.
He's feeding us hate.
Iraq he's baiting..."
Bush Clears His Brain (To be sung to "The Rain In Spain" from "My Fair Lady" by Lerner & Loewe)
"To clear his brain Bush runs across the plain.
That George he does it.
That George he does it.
He runs because he fears he'll go insane..."
Iraq, Iraq (To be sung to "New York, New York" from "On The Town")
"Iraq, Iraq, I refuse to back down.
Most hawks say yup, but some others just frown.
Hussein belongs in a hole in the ground.
Iraq, Iraq, I refuse to back down..."
On Wall Street (To be sung to "On Broadway")
"They say that things are really bad on Wall Street.
They say there's much malfeasance in the air.
But I don't want to hurt my friends.
And tough laws give my pals the bends.
Then donors drop right off and I'm nowhere..."
Preemption (To be sung to "Tradition" from "Fiddler On The Roof")
"Preemption, preemption! Preemption!
Preemption, preemption! Preemption!
Who, day and night, must run the greatest nation,
Heed the polls and Karl Rove, say his daily prayers?
And who has the right, as U. S. President,
To have the final word on war..."
I Read The News Each Day, Oh Boy (To be sung to the tune of "A Day In The Life" by Lennon/McCartney)
"I read the news each day, oh boy
About a President who got poor grades.
Of course the news is mostly sad
Though one thing made me laugh
The chewing gum photograph..."
Ode to Pootie-Poot (To be sung to the tune of "Lollipop" by the Chordettes)
"Pootie-Poot, Pootie-Poot, oh Pootie, Pootie, Pootie,
Pootie-Poot, Pootie-Poot, oh Pootie, Pootie, Pootie,
Pootie-Poot, Pootie-Poot, oh Pootie, Pootie, Pootie,
Pootie-Poot.
Call my Putin Pootie-Poot.
Tell you why.
His soul is sweeter than an apple pie.
But with his tough negotiation stance
Man, I haven't got a chance..."
Dubya's Dayly Diary My satirical Dubya's Dayly Diary has been named USATODAY.com's Fun Site of the Week and won an About.com Bushie Award for best Bush-inspired parody on the Net.
Spinmeister (To be sung to the tune of "Matchmaker" from "Fiddler on the Roof")
"Spinmeister, spinmeister, spin me some spin,
Write me a line, win me a win.
Spinmeister, spinmeister, search through your brain
And spin me some 9-1-1 spin..."
Ashcroft's Favorite Things (To be sung to the tune of "My Favorite Things")
"Rifles and roscoes and Winch'sters and cannons,
Rich NRA guys who own lots of weapons,
Generous men to whose pockets I cling,
These are a few of my favorite things..."
Hey Hughes (To be sung to the tune of "Hey Jude")
"Hey Hughes, don't leave DC.
Take a sad Bush and make me better.
Remember I need you cause you're so smart,
Then you can start to make me better..."
Five Foot Ten (To be sung to the tune of "Five Foot Two")
"Five foot ten, great at spin,
But oh! she's tougher than most men.
Has anybody seen my gal?
Striking pose, scares my foes,
There's no end to what she knows.
Has anybody seen my gal..."
Pretzel Producers Allege Dubya Defamation, File Multibillion Buck Lawsuit "The National Association of Pretzel Producers ("NAPP") filed suit late yesterday against President Bush... NAPP's complaint, which seeks five billion dollars in compensatory and punitive damages for "pretzel product slander, pretzel product libel, and defamatory snack food disparagement," alleges that Bush and his codefendants "did willfully and maliciously and/or with reckless disregard for the truth, publish and disseminate false and/or untrue statements about the activities of one or more pretzels..."
I'm Dubya The President (To be sung to the tune of "I'm Popeye The Sailor Man")
"I'm Dubya the President.
I've always said what I meant.
When I yell "Stop terror!"
I'm never in error.
I'm Dubya the President..."
Dubya's Dream (To be sung to the tune of "Impossible Dream" from "Man From La Mancha")
"To scheme an insidious scheme,
Where every dissenter's my foe,
To act like I share people's sorrow,
To run three fast miles in a row..."
Old Dick Cheney (To be sung to the tune of "Old MacDonald Had A Farm")
"Old Dick Cheney's hiding stuff, from the GAO.
And when they sued, Dick had a cow, he hates the GAO.
With a lawsuit here and a lawsuit there,
Here a suit, there a suit,
Everywhere a lawsuit.
Old Dick Cheney's hiding stuff, from the GAO..."
Comics' Relief: Late Night Comedians Begin Group Therapy "In the wake of the terrorist attacks on the United States, political humor has virtually disappeared, replaced by patriotic platitudes. Deprived of their customary targets, late night TV talk show hosts are at their wits' end, struggling to find a new humorous voice that entertains without offending. So it's not surprising that Jay Leno, David Letterman, Conan O'Brien, Jon Stewart, and Bill Maher have sought comic relief in group therapy. Here's the transcript of their first joint therapy session, leaked to me by someone I'll simply call Deep Doc..."
George Dubya Bush Channeler Seeks Therapy "Doctor's Notes: An unusually difficult first session. Patient was referred by Employer law firm, who has placed Patient on indefinite mental health leave. HR files furnished by Employer report erratic behavior dating back eight months, including: 1. Patient refused to address sundry judges as "Your Honor" on seven occasions, leading to..."
Election News Alert "Health care professionals throughout the United States are bracing for a severe outbreak of National Election Withdrawal Syndrome..."
Ms. LegalPerson Tries To Explain Election 2000 "Ms. LegalPerson is happy to report that Tuesday's Presidential election is over and that Gore ... no ... Bush ... no ... Gore ... no ... Bush ... no.... Hmmm, better begin again in the "do over" spirit that's overtaken the U.S. media. Here goes: Ms. LegalPerson is happy to report that Tuesday is history. Tuesday's election, however, may never end..."
Great Math Divide Every time I open a newspaper or surf the Web, there's another poll trying to predict who will be our next President. But are the pollsters asking the right questions? I'm convinced that when push comes to lever pull..."
A Kiss Before Speechifying "Actually, I was trying to send a message to Tipper." So said Vice President Al Gore, when asked if he was trying to send a message to the country with the Gores' nationally televised smooch on the final evening of the Democratic National Convention. For some reason I can't quite grasp, people are making a big deal about the not quite X-rated kiss Al gave Tipper right before he began his nomination acceptance speech...
You Really Want A House? Okay, Here's The Drill. "President Clinton recently picked up a cordless electric drill and joked that he'd be needing one now that he's about to become a homeowner..."
