An Old Story "If you�d like to feel old, here�s a way�
Besides all those aches and that gray..."
The Intruder "It�s dark and we�re out on our deck.
My sandals are off and then... Heck!
I yell words rather worse
And I scream and I curse
And turn into a blubbering wreck..."
Awesome Rick Perry "You�re welcome. I�m awesome!� said Perry.
Oops, was Perry pumped up? I�d say, Very..."
Foul Limerick "A man in a very foul mood
Had caught his new wife with some dude..."
Vive Vuvuzelas? Please, No! "Attempting to watch World Cup soccer?
Then you�re likely to go off your rocker: ..."
Kick-Ass Limerick "The language police are at it again. Republicans and Fox News (sorry to be redundant) are simply horrified at President Obama�s 'unpresidential' language. ..."
Nevada�s Wingnut Angle "Harry Reid sure caught a lucky break Tuesday: Nevada�s looniest would-be Senator won the Republican nomination. ..."
Pompous Limerick "A pompous conductor named Clyde
Was worshipped by fans far and wide. ..."
Haley�s Barbaric Attitude "Mississippi Gov. Haley Barbour (R) has been downplaying the Gulf oil spill disaster, talking as if it�s a fictitious crisis created by the media. ..."
Kirk�s �Factual� Quirks "It turns out that Mark Kirk�s problems with the truth go well beyond exaggerating his military resume. ..."
Whimsical Limerick "A woman succumbed to a whim
And enrolled in an overpriced gym. ..."
Hatching Hypocrisy "Okay, so we have two Senatorial candidates who�ve pumped up their military records..."
Panning Palin "Is speculation that Sarah Palin�s speaking career�s starting to crash and burn just wishful thinking? ..."
American Idol�s Problem � Crystallized "Another American Idol season has come to a close and, once again, the wrong contestant won. Yes, the nervous guy, Lee DeWyze is the new American Idol, besting beating out the far superior singer, Crystal Bowersox. ..."
Brassy Limerick "A brassy old woman named Joan
Loves the trumpet, but hates the trombone. ..."
Robin Ghivan Makes Me Cross "Alert the authorities: U.S. Supreme Court nominee Elena Kagan has 'embraced dowdy as a mark of brainpower.' ..."
Operatic Limerick "An eccentric soprano named Brett
Auditioned to sing at the Met. ..."
Maine Mishigas "Would you like to dump the Department of Education and the Federal Reserve? ..."
Oily Obstruction "You�d think that, in the wake of the BP Gulf oil disaster, raising oil spill liability limits would be a no-brainer, even for Republicans. ..."
Lush Limerick "A fellow who drank to excess
Got to work in a state of undress: ..."
Why I�ll Never Be A Supreme Court Justice "As the Washington Post�s Valerie Strauss points out, the U.S. Supreme Court is packed with graduates of Harvard Law and Yale Law. ..."
Leery About Elena "Apparently, anti-Kagan attacks from the right have been inspiring some liberals to rally around her. ..."
Limerick Affairs "A fellow who had an affair
Got caught by his lovely wife, Claire. ..."
Obama�s What??? "How amusing! We�ve moved from 'Obama�s Katrina' to 'Obama�s Harriet Miers.' ..."
Infamous Limerick "An infamous author named Gene
Was obnoxious and often obscene. ..."
The Tenor Of Our Anniversary "My husband Mark and I had a wonderful time celebrating our 32nd wedding anniversary on Friday, June 4th in Manhattan. ..."
Creative Verse "A creative young woman named Ro
Snagged a role in an Off-Broadway show. ..."
Not-So-Clean Limerick "A fellow who hated to clean
Was a bach�lor. (You know what I mean.) ..."
Felonious Verse "An elderly woman named Ellen
Was suspected of being a felon. ..."
Nerdy Limerick "A hard-working fellow named Zeke
Was thought of as rather a geek. ..."
Criminal Ode "Some crimes are quite flagrantly blatant�
Not subtle, nor secret, nor latent. ..."
Limerick Ode To Kathleen Madigan "Saturday night hubby Mark and I went to see Kathleen Madigan perform in New York City�s Gramercy Theatre. ..."
An Unmagical Night of Magic "David Copperfield�s show on the Strip�
Neither clever, nor witty, nor hip. ..."
Romantic Verse "I couldn�t let International Limerick Day go by without posting a new limerick prompt, could I? ..."
Limerick Ode To Edward Lear "Mother�s Day isn�t this week�s only important holiday. What else is there? International Limerick Day, of course, which celebrates the May 12th birthday of Edward Lear. ..."
Half-Baked Limerick "There once was a baker, Lenore,
Who�d been baking three decades or more. ..."
Unreal American Stories "I was glad to see that Sarah Palin�s Fox News Special did just so-so in the ratings. ..."
Swimming In Verse "There once was a swimmer named Dean.
He was swift and his breast stroke was mean. ..."
Ode To John �Pants On Fire� McCain "Dear Senator McCain: Pretending to be a maverick is bad enough. But pretending that you never pretended to be a maverick? That�s just silly! ..."
Musical Chairs "A symphony cellist named Kate
Shares her stand with a man, once her mate. ..."
Senseless About The Census "Attention unhinged wingnuts: Obama�s Census illegally invades your privacy! ..."
Liberal Drilling? Chill, Obama, Chill! "Like so many of my fellow progressives, I am dismayed by Obama�s plans to open offshore areas to oil drilling for the first time. ..."
Mitt Romney: Constitutionally Confused "Credit where credit is due: When it comes to self-contradiction, Mitt Romney is both fearless and peerless. ..."
Chuck Grassley Upchucks Hypocrisy "Senator Chuck Grassley, one of healthcare reform�s most vocal opponents, has outdone himself. He�s now trying to take credit for portions of the Affordable Health Care For America Act, bragging that he authored the good parts. ..."
South African Pinot�s Too Pricey? Blame The Baboons. "Are you a wine aficionado? A fan of pinot noir? Apparently baboons like pinot too, which is providing quite a challenge for South African vineyard owners and winemakers. ..."
Republican Trials (Limerick) "For a party that�s always lambasting trial attorneys and activist judges, Republicans sure are litigious. ..."
Addled Threats "Now that health reform has passed, Republicans are angrier than ever. ..."
Feed Needs "In simpler (pre-social networking) days, I suffered from just one web addiction � checking my email. And that was bad enough. But now it�s Facebook and Twitter and blogging, oh my! ..."
�Deem and Pass� Ditty My limerick explains the real reason 'deem and pass' health reform plans were abandoned.
Are Health Studies Making Us Sick? "Here we go again: Yet another scientific study says many of us should have ignored a previous study. ..."
Et Tu, Dennis? "Big news on the health reform front: Dennis Kucinich caved. ..."
Hayworth�s Marriage Menagerie (Limerick) "J.D. Hayworth, in an effort to out-wingnut John McCain in Arizona�s Senatorial primary, is claiming that legalized same-sex marriage can lead to man-horse nuptials. ..."
Holier-Than-Thou Wars "The GOP�s trying to smack
The Dems on their ethics. How whack! ..."
Ode To An Obstructionist "As you undoubtedly know, Senator James Bunning (R-Kentucky) is retiring at the end of the year � and none too soon. Embittered and unstable, Jim Bunning seems determined to inflict as much damage as possible during his final months in office. ..."
Subversive Limerick "South Carolina is a very entertaining state � if you�re into oddball politicians and very strange laws. ..."
Gosh-Darn Pols! " California Assembly�s decree:
The first week of March is �cuss-free.�..."
A Limerick For Lamar "As Steve Benen points out, we�ve already tried incrementalism. ..."
Frankly My Dear Gaffney, You�re Nuts "Right-wing activist Frank Gaffney is at it again. His latest tin-foil hat paranoia involves the Missile Defense Agency�s website logo ..."
Ode To GOP Stimulus Hypocrisy "It�s getting hard to keep track of all the Republican 'trash and cash' Recovery Act hypocrisy. ..."
Dear Obama, Enough With The Voltaire "I don�t know about you, but I�m getting really tired of this line frequently used by Obama and other pols: 'America can�t afford to let the perfect be the enemy of the good.' ..."
Senator Bayh, Buh Bye! "Senator Evan Bayh (Pretend-Dem-Indiana) has announced that he won�t seek reelection this year. ..."
Super Bowl Sunday Blues (Limerick) "This probably sounds un-American, but I never watch football on television � or anywhere else, for that matter. Not even the Super Bowl. ..."
Ode To Barack Hussein Hoover "Responding to his political crisis, President Obama is doing precisely the wrong thing. ..."
Vintage Wisdom "Are you a Winus Ignoramus? Do wine connoisseurs make you feel insecure? I once felt the same way � until I discovered that NOBODY KNOWS ANYTHING, especially when mouthing off about wine. ..."
Ode To Weak-Kneed Democrats "In the wake of the Massachusetts election debacle, I keep naively expecting Democrats to wake up and smell the need to stop acting like patsies. ..."
Ode To Odious Corporate Personhood "There�s nothing funny about the U.S. Supreme Court�s activist ruling in Citizens United v. Federal Election Commission. ..."
Simon, Say It Ain�t So! (Limerick)"�Insult judge� Simon Cowell is leaving American Idol at the end of this season. How will I ever survive? ..."
Joe �Vote 60? No Mo� (Limerick) "I�ve been searching for a positive note in the Massachusetts election debacle and its effect on health care reform and Obama�s agenda. ..."
Dear Jay Leno "I�m on Team CoCo, as you can tell from my Conan-Leno talk show wars limerick. ..."
Al-Qaeda Talking Points? "Are prominent right-wingers acting as unpaid PR agents for al Qaeda, in their zeal to undermine Obama? ..."
Shoo, Heels! "I�m short. Five-foot-zero, to be specific. But I never wear heels. Okay, I do have one pair of special-occasion shoes with a one-inch heel. Does that even count? ..."
Go, Conan! "A limerick in honor of Conan O�Brien�s Solomon-like decision about the Tonight Show ..."
Telling Tiger To Convert Just Ain�t Kosher "Up until now, I�ve avoided writing about Tiger Woods� serial philandering. But Brit Hume�s outrageous comments leave me no choice. According to Hume, if Tiger Woods wants forgiveness, he must convert from Buddhism to Christianity. ..."
My New Policy "That�s it. No more vacations! Sounds a little extreme, I know. But strange things tend to happen when my husband and I have the nerve to travel or take time off. ..."
Shameless Republicans On Christmas Attack "Republicans have been treating Nigerian Abdulmutallab�s failed Christmas Day bombing of Flight 253 like a Christmas gift from Al Qaeda � something really juicy to exploit. ..."
Dressing Down The President "Removing the Medicare buy-in from the Senate health reform bill (to appease Senator Lieberman) was the last straw for Howard Dean. Dean says, �Kill the Senate Bill,� and I�m inclined to agree. ..."
Fight Firewalls With Kindle "My humorist pal Rose Valenta recently created a Kindle version of her blog and inspired me to do the same. Why? Because many employers are getting strict about web access, blocking employees from reading their favorite blogs and sites ..."
�No-Man� Joe "When it comes to health care reform, Joe Lieberman is acting like a petulant baby: �Wah, wah, wah! Dump the public option, or I filibuster. So there!� ..."
Dick Cheney�s Steno Pool "Somebody please explain why the garbage and lies spewed by Richard Cheney are routinely treated like they�re gospel. ..."
Testy Republicans "By now you�ve surely heard about the GOP�s proposed conservative 'purity test,' a ten-point litmus test advocated by James Bopp Jr. and others to weed out party 'undesirables.' ..."
Fraidy-Cat Republicans "According to Republicans, it�s way too dangerous for Obama�s Attorney General Eric Holder to try terrorists in federal courts. And that seems just a wee bit odd. ..."
Bowing � And Scraping Bottom "Fox News and all the usual wingnut suspects are simply horrified because President Obama, in a show of diplomatic courtesy, bowed to Emperor Akihito of Japan. ..."
Stupak Stupidity "The Republican National Committee, the wingnutty Focus on the Family, and both groups� donors are abortion-loving baby killers. Yes, I was shocked too. But it�s true, if you follow the thought process behind the Stupak Amendment to its logical conclusion. ..."
Stewing Over Stupak "This feminist is furious over the abortion-coverage-banning Stupak Amendment to the House health care reform bill. And no, Stupak isn�t a Hyde Amendment-equivalent. It�s the Hyde Amendment on steroids. ..."
Celebrating Sarah "On behalf of my fellow New Yorkers, I want to thank Sarah Palin for her generous gift to the State of New York. Palin�s leadership in driving moderates like Dede Scozzafava out of the Republican party handed New York Democrats a Congressional Seat (District 23) that had eluded Dems for well over a century. ..."
�Short On Facts� Fox "One of the silliest Republican (and Fox News) talking points is that the Democratic health reform bill is too long. ..."
Ode To The Weatherman "A huge snow storm (perhaps even a blizzard) is about to descend on New York City and has already hit much of the east coast. And that means it�s the weatherman�s time in the sun. ..."
Two Nights Of Big Apple Fun "If you�ve ever fantasized about a career in the theater, you owe it to yourself to see playwright Theresa Rebeck�s The Understudy on Broadway. ..."
Vibrant Vibrator Play (Limerick) "A period play about vibrators? It sounds like an unlikely theme for a Broadway play, but playwright Sarah Ruhl pulls it off in her In the Next Room or the vibrator play. ..."
A Limerick For Traitor Joe "Traitor Joe Lieberman is back to his old tricks, once again trying to undermine Democrats. ..."
Bystander President? "Recent comments by Sen. Jay Rockefeller and others indicate
that a strong public option could become a reality, if only President Obama stopped being a Bystander President. ..."
Ode To Party-First Republicans "Remember when you could tell the difference between right-wing loons and your average Republican politician? ..."
Ode To Pro-Rape Republicans "Thirty Senate Republicans voted to keep rape victims who work for defense contractors from having their day in court. ..."
Newt�s Bilingual Newspeak "Newt Gingrich, you�ve got some �splainin� to do! Please tell me how someone who has repeatedly railed against bilingualism can launch a bilingual website. ..."
Glenn Beck, Keep Your Grubby Paws Off Yom Kippur "I may be a non-practicing Jew, but I�m deeply offended by Glenn Beck�s attempt to co-opt and politicize Yom Kippur, the holiest day of the Jewish year. ..."
Chris Wallace Feels Dissed "Poor Chris Wallace has been whining to Bill O�Reilly about Fox News Sunday not getting an Obama interview. ..."
Balking At The Baucus Bill "Wendell Potter, the former health insurance industry executive-turned-whistleblower, presents a scathing analysis of the Max Baucus health reform plan. ..."
The Not-So-Frugal Traveler "South Carolina�s Governor Mark Sanford sure has expensive travel habits for such a 'frugal conservative.' ..."
Bathing In Bad News "Just when you thought it was safe to take a shower, here�s a health scare that would make Alfred Hitchcock turn pale: ..."
Alpha-Political Verse 2009 "From time to time, I write an alphabetical poem summing up a period�s zany and significant political moments. ..."
Ode To Ted Kennedy "Aa serious double limerick to commemorate the life and death of the great Senator Ted Kennedy: ..."
Ode To The White House Fashion Police "The White House fashion police are at it again: First Lady Michelle Obama was caught wearing shorts on her way to a Grand Canyon vacation! The horror! ..."
An Open Limerick To President Obama " Watching Republicans out-maneuver President Obama on �bi-partisan� health care reform has been so painful, I sometimes feel forced to avert my eyes. ..."
The Price Of Facebook Friendship "Are you suffering from Facebook friend envy? Do you have a few hundred spare bucks lying around? Then uSocial, an Australian marketing company, is eager to help you buy thousands of �targeted� Facebook friends and fans and Twitter followers. ..."
Ode To Incivility "What�s with prominent celebrities and pols whose last names begin with �W�? Joe Wilson, Kanye West, and Serena Williams have all made unspeakably rude public asses of themselves during the last few days. ..."
Happy Birthday To Me "Friday, September 11th was my birthday � one of those traumatizing, ends-with-zero birthdays. So I told my husband Mark that, unless he wanted me to be a basket case on nine-eleven, he�d better plan something good. ..."
Tantrum Politics "Planning to attend a local town hall meeting about health care reform? Hoping to learn something and to express your opinion? Well, be sure to bring a pair of ear plugs. Because the only thing you�re likely to hear is an enraged, screaming mob. ..."
Our Liberal Media "Steve Benen points out the contrast between the coverage of two abortion-related polls: ..."
Waterloo Lies "The GOP�s spreading big lies
To ensure that our health reform dies ...."
Dear Senator Inhofe "Boohoohoo! Poor, innocent Republicans are being hassled by wingnut birthers � loons who would refuse to believe President Obama was born in the U.S., even if they witnessed his Hawaiian birth themselves. ..."
Kindle Swindle? E-book repossession via electronic invasion of privacy. If it isn�t a crime, it sure as hell ought to be.
Dueling Scandals "Senator John Ensign surely celebrated when Governor Mark Sanford�s soul-mate scandal took Ensign�s sex-capade off Page 1. ...�
Translating Sarah "Why does Sarah Palin need to be Alaska�s governor, when she has Facebook? ...�
Flailin' Palin "Help! I can�t keep those Republican governors straight. For instance, why is Sarah Palin giving up her Alaska Governor gig? Some sort of wildlife scandal involving 'dead fish' and a 'lame duck?' ...�
Ode to Mark �Sweet Talker� Sanford "South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford shouldn�t resign because he�s an unfaithful, lying, hypocrite � although he�s all that and more. ...�
De-Moralized? "I�ve heard some twisted rationalizations over the years. But Rush Limbaugh�s attempt at blaming Obama for Mark Sanford�s failings really takes the cake. ...�
Mark Sanford�s Trail � Of Hypocrisy "All the explanations for Gov. Mark Sanford�s absence � the recharging, the writing, the catching up on projects, the naked Appalachian Trail hiking � are officially inoperative. ...�
Empty Nest (Limerick) "A woman was feeling depressed.
(Her syndrome is called �empty nest.�) ...�
Steeley Plan For Health Care "Life would be ever so much easier, if only RNC Chairman Michael Steele had Barack Obama�s gig. For instance, we�d be able to solve our health care problems in a nanosecond. ...�
Hannity Insanity "Few people are better at creating a Krauthammer-lauded 'alternate reality' than Fox�s Sean Hannity. ...�
Liz Cheney's Song (Song Parody to Maria)
"Liz Cheney.
You just can�t avoid Lizzie Cheney.
The former Veep�s to blame.
Their surnames are the same, you see. ...�
Not An American Idol "There once was a woman named June
Whose singing was way out of tune. ..."
Bankrupt Values "Republicans have no shortage of things to fulminate about. One of their favorites? The General Motors bankruptcy. ...�
Ode To Mark Krikorian "The National Review�s Mark Krikorian is having problems with Judge Sonia Sotomayor�s name. ...�
Doc Mockery "A nervous young fellow named Phil
Asked his doc if he needed a will. ...�
Pedestrian Plea "There once was a fellow named Mike,
Who was bored while out riding his bike. ...�
Ben Nelson, DINO � Or Dinosaur? "If you didn�t know Sen. Ben Nelson�s a Democrat, you�d swear he�s a conservative Republican. And that�s why the fantasy of a Frankenized, filibuster-proof Senate is ludicrous. ...�
Ode To The Deceitful Cheneys "The omni-presence of Dick and Liz Cheney on (as Rachel Maddow loves to call it) �the TV machine� is nearly enough to get me to toss out my televisions. ...�
Ode To Tropical Breeze Colonoscopies "It wasn�t bad enough that Sen. Jeff Sessions cited �tropical breezes� in extolling the glories of Gitmo. Now we have Sen. Jim Inhofe bragging about Gitmo�s health care � colonoscopies for inmates over fifty-five. Whoopee! ...�
Ode to Mike �The Poet� Huckabee �I have some new competition in the political poetry arena. Apparently, former Arkansas Gov. Mike Huckabee fancies himself a poet and has written an anti-Pelosi screed in the form of a really bad poem called Fancy Nancy. ...�
An Ode To The American Idol Finalists "Since American Idol is one of the few TV shows I watch regularly, I�d be remiss if I didn�t comment on the finalists and write a limerick for finalists Kris Allen and Adam Lambert: ...�
My Homage To Feigned Outrage �Republicans (and Joe Lieberman) have been staging yet another temper tantrum. ...�
Ode To JetBlue �We�re back from a wonderful vacation in Las Vegas. So I thought I�d celebrate our thirteen hour return-flight delay with a limerick: ...�
Ode To The Wingnutty Pete Sessions �It sounds like Texas Congressman Pete Sessions could use some � uh � sessions on somebody�s couch. ...�
A Robot Violinist That Plays Better Than Your Kid? �I�ve heard some bad violinists in my day � especially back when I substitute-taught elementary school music classes. But amazingly enough, this robot violinist (while lousy, of course) is better than your average fifth grade violin student. ...�
The Dreaded E-Word �President Obama recently used the e-word in connection with his yet-to-be-named U.S. Supreme Court nominee, and the Republicans were (or pretended to be) horrified. ...�
Which Veep Talks Too Much? �Dick Cheney refuses to crawl back into his undisclosed location � and Democrats rejoice: ...�
Two Dicks �Dick Cheney and Rush Limbaugh have been having quite the love fest lately. Of course, they�ve always been in bed together: ...�
Ode To Fresh Faces �Republican planning is plain.
They want to rebrand, they explain. ...�
Quaking Over Handshakes �Newsflash via a Republican video ad: Obama is endangering the U.S. by consorting with foreign leaders like Venezuela�s Hugo Chavez and Saudi King Abdullah bin Abdul Aziz. ...�
Karl�s Roving Standards �Nothing brings out Republican hypocrisy like a nice, juicy U.S. Supreme Court vacancy. Take Karl Rove, for instance, on Obama�s potential nominees to replace Justice David Souter: ...�
Secession? Did I Say Secession? "For such a fan of secession, Texas Gov. Rick Perry sure is quick to ask for federal bucks. Hurricane disaster assistance? Check. Antiviral medications to combat swine flu? Check. ...�
They Only Have Themselves To Blame "On Thursday, Obama sent the filibuster-happy Republicans a message: Their zero-vote obstructionism has consequences. ...�
Rudy's Family Values �To marry your cousin is fine.
To pretend not to know it � divine. ...�
Yet Another Ode To Republican Hypocrisy �My latest double limerick, written in an antibiotic haze and inspired by Texas Gov. Rick Perry�s secession talk brouhaha: ...�
Fox Pundits At Sea �Fox News �pundit� rants always look foolish, especially when they�re packed with gleeful predictions of Democratic failures. And most especially when their predictions turn out to be dramatically wrong. ...�
Dogged Journalism �At long last, we have an answer to these burning questions: What kind of dog will Obama get daughters Malia and Sasha, and when will he get it? ...�
Republican Road To Remedial Math �I, for one, thoroughly enjoyed the House Republicans� number-free budget. And I�m looking forward to the expanded version they�ve promised for next week � the one that won�t have any letters in it either. ...�
Ode To AP's Ron Fournier �After President Obama�s outstanding performance during his second primetime press conference, the AP�s Ron Fournier had some column inches to fill. So, what words of wisdom did he share in his 'news analysis'? Obama really 'likes to have [his words] up on the Teleprompter.' ...�
Email Swiped From Dick Cheney's In-Box �Some Republicans think Dick Cheney�s making things worse for their party. Don�t believe me? Here�s an email I managed to swipe from Cheney�s in-box: ...�
Ode To The Laughter-Police �I could have sworn that Obama�s 60 Minutes interview was both serious and informative. But I guess that�s what happens when you watch something yourself, instead of relying on press accounts. ...�
Fuming About Hume �What delicious irony � Brit Hume bitching about blogger partisanship. ...�
Ode To The Easily Offended �President Obama was witty and entertaining on last night�s Leno appearance, and what�s the upshot? He�s forced to apologize for a self-deprecating, throwaway line comparing his bowling performance to the Special Olympics. ...�
Tough Negotiators, Those Bushies! �I practiced law for over a dozen years and negotiated lots of contracts. And, unlike the Bush administration, I always kept my poker face. Why? Because if you want the best possible deal, you must make the other party think that he needs you more than you need him. ...�
Dear Boss, Where�s My Bonus? �The AIG bonus fiasco has been very enlightening. Giving incompetent employees huge bonuses, so they won�t resign? And with taxpayer cash yet? What a concept! ...�
Go Away Already, Bushie Spinmeisters! �The Bush-Cheney spinmeisters refuse to go away. Last week it was Ari Fleischer, and this week it�s Dana Perino on CSPAN�s Washington Journal. ...�
Ode To Ari Fleischer �The stream of deceit that came pouring out of Ari Fleischer�s belligerent mouth during his Chris Matthews� interview must surely have set some sort of record. ...�
Can�t Win An Argument On The Merits? Just Use The �Distraction� Gambit. �Republicans love to attack Obama�s initiatives by claiming they�re distractions from his �fix the economy� job. Apparently, if the economy continues to tank, it�s because he wasted all that time signing an executive order opening up stem cell research. ...�
Steele-Buyers� Remorse �It seems Republican National Committee members are having second, third, and fourth thoughts about having named Michael Steele to be Chairman of the RNC. ...�
Ode To GOP Grovelers (Song Parody to the Mickey Mouse Club Song) �Who�s in charge of the GOP? Based on all the groveling and Limbaugh-tuckus-licking, it�s surely the guy with �talent on loan from God� � even though God foreclosed over a decade ago. ...�
Ode To Bobby �Kenneth the Page� Jindal �I hate to pile on to the Bobby-Jindal-channeled-Kenneth-the-Page assault. Okay I lied � I just love to pile on. ...�
Ode To Roland Burris �The (I hope) soon-to-be-ex-Senator Roland Burris is quite the word weasel, isn�t he? So I thought I�d join the calls for his resignation with my latest limerick: ...�
Obama Hasn�t Fixed Everything Yet? What�s Taking Him So Long? �I can�t decide whether Bret Stephens is nuts or just a really bad satirist. I�m referring to his Wall Street Journal column entitled Obama�s Charm Isn�t Working Wonders Abroad, in which he recites a litany of foreign policy problems and wonders why Obama hasn�t solved them all yet. After all, it�s been twenty-one whole days! ...�
D.C. Snow Job (Limerick) �Life in Washington, D.C. must be great! Otherwise, the D.C. Council would surely have better things to do than passing laws that require drivers to remove snow from their cars. ...�
Only Peons Have To Pay Taxes (Limerick) �First Tim Geithner, and now Tom Daschle. Anyone else getting tired of rich, powerful people failing to pay taxes, saying �Oops! Sorry! My bad!� and getting away with it? ...�
An Alpha-Political Farewell To George Bush & Dick Cheney �A is for Jack Abramoff who�s big in pay-to-play.
B�s for greedy bankers who have fleeced the USA.
C is for Sen. Craig who isn�t gay, except in bed.
D is for democracy which Dubya hasn�t spread. ...�
Irony Has At Least Seven More Lives �Once again, the media is debating the purported death of irony. Nine-eleven killed it the last time, and this year�s culprit is Barack Obama. Lucky for humorists (and their readers), irony apparently has a cat-like nine lives. ...�
Dear Bush, Doesn�t Your Brush Need Clearing? �Like The New York Times� Gail Collins and so many others, I think Bush and Cheney need to take early retirement. Otherwise, by the time Obama is president, there won�t be anything left to preside over. ...�
Dental Verse �I think I�m becoming unglued �
Not my mind, but a cap caught on food. ...�
Where�s My Personal Shopper? "After seeing Sarah Palin prance around in so much stylish, pricey-looking apparel, I wrongly assumed Alaska was so sort of fashion Mecca. ...�
Is GOP Idiocy Real, Or Is It Memorex? "What on earth is the matter with Republicans like Rep. Michelle Bachmann and Rep. Robin Hayes? Not only do they say insane things, but they deny saying them, as if recording devices had never been invented. ...�
Memory Limerick (Limerick)
�Whenever I meet someone new,
I use memory tricks till I�m blue. ...�
Ode To David Frum "David Frum, infamous for fathering (or at least taking credit for fathering) the phrase �Axis of Evil,� took on the wrong person last night. I�m referring, of course, to Rachel Maddow. ..."
Sarah In Wonderland "A bipartisan legislative panel in Alaska finds Sarah Palin guilty of abusing her executive power. So is Palin contrite? Hahahahaha! ...�
Team Of Liars (Limerick)
�The McCain/Palin team now is rife
With liars, including John�s wife. ...�
A Do-Over Supreme Court Test For Palin? "According to Fred Thompson, Sarah Palin�s inability to name a single Supreme Court case she disagrees with wasn�t her fault. ..."
Dear �Everyday Working Class� Sarah "How many 'everyday, working-class Americans' do you know who own 'a single-engine plane, two boats, two personal watercraft and a half-million-dollar, custom-built home on a lake�'�?
An Ode To Crybaby Republicans "Even The Wall Street Journal�s editorial page thinks Republicans are crybabies about the bailout bill. ...�
Did The Dog Eat John McCain�s Debate Notes? "The guy who almost never shows up for Senate votes, is apparently planning to swoop into Washington, fix our fiscal crisis and, only then, resume campaigning and debate. ...�
Dear John McCain: Thank you, thank you, thank you! "Why am I, a liberal feminist, thanking you with such enthusiasm? Because by naming Sarah Palin to be your running mate, you�ve turned my life around. ..."
Not So Artful At Athletics "When I was in elementary school, I was really bad at two things � art and athletics. ..."
Bailin' On Palin? "How nice that John McCain is finally getting around to vetting his temper-tantrum-inspired, Lieberman/Ridge-rebound Veep pick. ..."
Sarah Who??? "Sarah Palin For Veep? I knew John McCain and his Rovian puppet masters were cynical, but this takes the cake. ..."
Engagement Bling (Limerick)
�I�m engaged,� said the gal to her mom.
�I�m in love and I�m marrying Tom. ...�
Kristol-izing Feminism "So Bill Kristol�s a feminist. Who knew? Yes, William Kristol, Republican con man, is oh so terribly concerned about the glass ceiling perpetuated by Barack Obama when he chose Joe Biden for his running mate, denying Hillary Clinton her shot at Veep. ..."
McCain's Bellicose Tune (Song Parody -- Sing to I�m Popeye The Sailor Man)
"I�m tougher than nails, I am.
I stand up for Uncle Sam.
The other guy�s weak,
While I�m still at my peak,
Cuz I�m tougher than nails, I am! ..."
My "Dear John" Edwards Letter (Limerick)
"Dear John, to your run I said, "Yay!"
And I thought you�d go far, come what may. ..."
Gray Matters (Limerick)
"Though young when I started to gray,
I refused to say, �Gray, go away!� ..."
Media Sheep "McCain�s a straight talker.
Ignore all his lying.
Obama is pompous.
He�s humble? Not buying!
That�s the agreed-upon narrative. See? ..."
My Confession "I�m married, but still like to date.
It�s good for my marriage � no, great! ..."
The Five-Second What??? "I guess I must have led a very sheltered existence. Why do I say that? Because I�d never heard the phrase �five-second rule� until my husband Mark used it as an excuse to eat some treat he�d just dropped on the floor. (And yes, we�re still married.) ..."
A Humorist�s Lament "By now, everyone�s surely seen Barry Blitt�s New Yorker cover, depicting Barack Obama as a flag-burning, bin Laden-loving, fist-bumping Muslim. Intended to satirize �The Politics of Fear,� the image is being widely criticized as reinforcing the very stereotypes it seeks to mock. ..."
Working Stiffed -- Job Hunting Humor (text and audio versions)
"Finding a new job can be a daunting challenge. But if you follow my simple 21-step plan, you'll soon be battling cranky alarm clocks, rush-hour traffic, and the "living for the weekend" daily grind..."
Musical Discord "'Your playing is way out of tune,'
The conductor informed the bassoon. ..."
Motor Boating Just Isn't Our Speed "My husband Mark and I were never meant to own a motor boat. Why not? Any couple who can�t figure out how to open their car hood, should probably stick to something propelled by oars. ..."
Guide For The Opera Impaired "There will inevitably come a day when some misanthrope, posing as a pal, drags you to The Opera. Don't panic ... unless Richard Wagner composed the opera, in which case playing dead will help you match the mood of the music..."
Irreparable Poem "I�m writing some verse about mending.
My deadline is soon and unbending. ..."
False Alarm My husband Mark and I have a weekend hideaway, a respite from the pace of New York City life. Our country haven is smaller than most; it was once optimistically measured at 400 square feet. ..."
Dear Obama "Dear Obama, your flight to the right
Is making me feel quite uptight. ..."
Office Party Follies "There are few "fun" activities quite so vexing as the Office Christmas Party; that obligatory gathering of bosses and subordinates, cronies and rivals, back-stabbers and back-stabbees. Plus a horde of husbands and wives who spend the entire night planning their escape..."
That's What The Law's About (to be sung to "The Hokey Pokey")
"You have to dot those i's.
You've got to cross those t's.
You have to seem so wise.
You must justify those fees.
And if you're smart and lucky
You will turn your case around.
That's what the law's about..."
Planning To Travel With Friends? Are You Sure That's Wise? (Humor Column)
"Your closest friends keep badgering you to join them on a trip. You�re running out of excuses and may be forced to go along. Can friendship survive seven days of constant contact? Will you loathe each other by the time you return? ..."
Email Hell " I�m out of the office right now.
Do I hate answ�ring email? And how! ..."
A Baysider's Ode To Queens "Both a county and a borough,
Part of New York City too.
On Long Island, yet not of it.
I'm confused as hell. Are you? ..."
Webmaster's SEO Lament (Sing to My Favorite Things from Sound of Music)
"Webmasters pine for more search engine traffic.
Some pay big dollars for SEO magic.
Hoping their keywords will get a huge rise.
Fearing they won't get that Google rank prize..."
Ode To Pious John McCain "The Philly Inq�s Dick Polman really nails it in his must-read post about John McCain�s 'artful dance with North Carolina Republican leaders, who have fashioned a low-road, anti-Obama advertisement that is slated to air on statewide TV next Monday.' ...�
Temper, Temper (Limerick and Haiku)
"A felonious fellow named Mort
Went to jail cuz his temper was short. ..."
McCain's New Campaign Slogan "John McCain has been having a tough time raising campaign money lately. So I thought I�d help out with a McCain campaign slogan haiku � gratis. ..."
Dear Spring (Limerick)
"Dear spring, you are late once again.
Yet you claim that you�ve been here, since when? ..."
Dear Ralph: Go Away! "I used to think Ralph Nader keeps running for president because he�s an egomaniac and a blowhard. But I�m starting to suspect that he suffers from Dubya-disease � he needs to feel relevant. ..."
Ode To A Despicable Person (Limerick)
"Hey bud, don�t pretend to be fearless.
In your cowardice, you�re nearly peerless. ..."
Creature Of Habit (Limerick)
"�Shall I tell you our specials today?�
Asks the waiter, who knows what I�ll say: ..."
Crazy Aunts (Limerick and Haiku)
"Crazy aunt in your fam�ly? Let�s see:
Does she scoff at conventions with glee? ..."
Taxing Verse (Limerick and Haiku)
"My records are scattered. Oh dear!
And tax filing day�s almost here. ..."
Spring In New York (3 Haiku)
"Calendar says spring,
But the weather disagrees.
Hope they work it out. ..."
Deja Verse "'I could swear that I�ve been here before,'
Said the gal as she stepped through the door. ..."
Ode To The Haiku "It�s seventeen-syllable verse --
Maybe less -- yes it has to be terse. ..."
Yard Yarns (Limerick and Haiku)
"I admit that I�m bad with a rake,
And disposing of leaves makes me quake. ..."
There's No Substitute For A Bad Job (Limerick and Haiku)
" In my twenties I substitute taught.
�Tis a challenging job and it�s fraught; ..."
Lost Cause? (Limerick and Haiku)
"�Please help me! I really need aid,�
Said a lady who looked quite afraid. ..."
Street Metal (Limerick)
"While I drive, I espy something bright.
To avoid it, I swerve to the right. ..."
Decisions, Decisions (Limerick and Haiku)
"If there�s one thing I cannot abide,
It is people who cannot decide ..."
Hey Pundits, Stifle Yourselves! "I can�t decide what�s more annoying � when pundits are wrong, or when they insist on finding meaning in the meaningless, deep significance in utter nonsense. ..."
Trash Day (Limerick and Haiku)
"On trash day I set a tv
On the curb and before I could flee, ..."
Miss Dating? Not Me! (Limerick)
"Before I was married I dated
Hardly ever, cause dating I hated...."
Is Black The New Teflon? "The impression I�ve been getting lately is that every barb and criticism aimed at Obama is almost bound to be characterized as racist by Obama surrogates. ..."
Banking On Money Poems (Limerick and Haiku)
"I once balanced my checkbook with ease.
But, alas, it�s no longer a breeze. ..."
Ode To A Greedy Squirrel (Limerick)
"A squirrel who wanted some food
Did something I�d call rather rude: ..."
I Won't Graciously Submit To Mike Huckabee "How lovely! In addition to Huckabee�s other �charming� attributes, he�s a �wives should graciously submit to their husbands� aficionado. ..."
My Family Needs Me (Limerick and Video -- Read It or Watch It) "I�m always amused when politicians and other public figures get into legal hot water and develop a sudden urge to spend more time with their family. ..."
First and Last Visit (Limerick)
"I�m allergic to felines; I sneeze
And I tear when they�re near�then I wheeze. ..."
Hillary Clinton Joke (Video) "I�ve been playing around with creating short video clips and I�ve finally succeeded. So if you�d like to see me tell a joke I wrote about Hillary Clinton and the issue of drivers licenses for illegal aliens, here it is. ..."
Why Are These Journalists Smiling? (Limerick) "I�ve noticed that many reporters and talking heads are almost giddy over Hillary Clinton�s recent stumbles and the rumored return of Barack Obama�s mojo. ..."
First Pakistan And Then... (Haiku) "While Bush and Cheney are busily threatening World War 3 over of Iran�s potential future nuclear threat, ..."
Ode To Our Petulant Prez (Limerick) "George Bush has been sounding extra whiney lately. The poor guy! Those abusive Dems have been torturing him, giving him a mere 98% of what he asks for. ..."
Charge! (Limerick)
"'A charge account�s wrong to its core,'
Said the dad, who paid cash at each store. ..."
Heckofajob, Karen! (Haiku) "So Karen Hughes has resigned from her job to 'promote America�s values ...'"
The Poetry Of Rudy Giuliani "Did you know that Rudy Giuliani is a poet? Me neither. So I was really surprised to unearth the poetry of Rudy Giuliani. Here are six poems I found in the Rudy Reader: ..."
Problem Poetry (Limerick)
"'Your verses belong in the can,'
Said the prof to a man. �They don�t scan. ...'"
Message To Obama: Hammer! Don't Stammer! (Haiku) "This is starting to get silly. It seems like every other day, Barack Obama promises to bolster his lagging poll numbers by changing his campaign style and getting tough on Hillary Clinton. ..."
Pondering Condi "Condi Rice�s testimony this past week, in which she belligerently defended the State Department�s work in Iraq, was her first appearance before a Democratically-controlled House Oversight and Government Reform Committee. True to form, she blamed everything but the Bush�s many administration failures for the problems in Iraq: ..."
The Joys Of Winter (Limerick)
"It was windy and snowy. I stumbled.
Then I fell and my keys and phone tumbled ..."
Pondering Rudy "I live in New York City, so I�m pretty familiar with the pros and cons of Rudy Giuliani. And yes, there are pros. What pros? Well, Rudy does love opera. ..."
Toying With Kites (Limerick)
"The sight of a kite in the sky
Is delightful and lovely, so why ..."
Time Travel (Limerick)
"Please stop all the clocks. Cut the phone.
Pull the plug on each �puter you own. ..."
Fishing For Company "I�m an insomniac and I must admit to taking a bit of solace at learning from a podcast that 'zebrafish - a common aquarium pet - can have a genetic mutation linked to sleep problems.' ..."
A Horse Of A Different Color (Limerick)
"There are folks who succumb to a weakness
For races like Belmont and Preakness. ..."
SCHIP Haiku "At long last, the real reason George W. Bush vetoed SCHIP..."
Is Rove's Loyalty Roving? "How amusing! Karl Rove wants to be remembered for something more than just being the �Brain� of the worst President in U.S. history..."
Television Nightmares "Do you want to lose weight? Then I recommend that you watch Gordon Ramsay�s new Fox show Kitchen Nightmares during dinner. As the good Gordon might (and often does) say, 'Oh my God!' ..."
Web Withdrawal Woes (Limerick)
"This outage has led me to think
I�ve gone bonkers, berserk�need a shrink. ..."
Fox On Bush "In his new book, Revolution of Hope: The Life, Faith, and Dreams of a Mexican President, former Mexican President Vicente Fox had this to say about George W. Bush: ..."
Curb Your Age Of Turbulence Enthusiasm "Poor little innocent Alan Greenspan is shocked, SHOCKED, I TELL YOU, by the Bush administration�s budget deficits and loss of fiscal discipline. ..."
Mad Kane's Gone Mobile, And So Can You "There�s good news for the on-the-run multitasker: Mad Kane�s gone mobile, so both of my blogs can be read on cell phones. And there�s even more good news � it�s easy to set up. How? I�ll tell you where to go � but first, a limerick: ..."
Spam Haiku "Sometimes spam frustrates me so much, that I�m forced to turn it into haiku. How do I do it? I simply mix and match phrases from various annoying email solicitations and turn them into Spam Haiku. Here are some examples: ..."
Some Dishy Verse "We�re discussing our favorite dish,�
Said the gal. �Please chime in if you wish. ..."
Petraeus and Crocker Face Hume Humiliation "I had to laugh when I heard about Brit Hume�s exclusive Fox interview with General David Petraeus and Ambassador Ryan Crocker �about the state of the Iraq war and their testimony to Congress.� What�s the matter � wasn�t Hannity available? ..."
Bush Gaffes Used To Make Me Laugh "These days I find Bush gaffes more sad than amusing. But I couldn�t resist this great headline: Bush backs �Austrian troops� at �OPEC�. ..."
Mustachioed Men -- Downtrodden Minority? "Is the American Mustache Institute (AMI) for real? When I first read about it, I figured it must surely be fictitious. Either that � or John Bolton�s new employer. ..."
Weeding Out Crazy Lawsuits ("As a result of a neighbor�s lawsuit, a Swedish woman can no longer smoke in most of her garden. (And you thought the United States was a litigious country.) ..."
Dirty White House Complains About Gonzales "Mud" "Poor Alberto Gonzales! During those countless (and fruitless) Congressional hearings, Gonzales had but one job � protect George Bush. And so he lied, obfuscated, feigned amnesia, and did everything he could to muddy the truth. ..."
Bulletproof Backpacks: In Case Your Kid�s Classmate Is Packing "It�s mid-August, which means back-to-school day is just around the corner. And that in turn means it�s time to start shopping for school supplies: rulers and notebooks and pens and lunch boxes and calculators and computers and school clothes and � bulletproof backpacks??? ..."
Vladimir Putin -- Gym Rat? "Have you seen this photo of Russian President Vladimir Putin? Boy, that Pootie-Poot is majorly buff! ..."
Yet Another Snow Job? "I wasn�t surprised to hear that Tony Snow plans to leave his Bush spokesperson gig when his �money runs out,� and possibly as early as September. ..."
This Doesn't Pass The Smell Test "According to this odd story, a smoking ban in British pubs has managed to make British bars smell even worse. Apparently, the acrid smell of smoke is a delight compared to all the foul odors smoke used to mask: �stale food and beer, damp, sweat and body odour, drains and - how do you put this nicely - flatulence. ..."
Selling Tickets To Brooke Astor's Funeral: Scam Or Satire? "Every so often, I�ll get an out-of-the-blue email from some on-deadline journalist in search of a timely, amusing quote. And though I�m not exactly a one-liner kind of gal, I always give it a try. ..."
Chinese Exports � The Real Poop (Limerick & Poll) "I was a bit grossed out to learn that �The Chengdu Giant Panda Breeding Base has come up with a dung-for-profit scheme that turns droppings from the endangered species into odour-free souvenirs ranging from bookmarks to Olympic-themed statues� .�
Pity The Poor Lawyer (Limerick)
"�Your billable hours are low,�
Said the partner. �They simply must grow..."
Message: I Share � Your Goals. (Bush to the Revolting Republicans) "Dan Froomkin isn�t surprised that �confronted with a tide of anti-war sentiment and a growing number of defecting Republican lawmakers, the White House is changing not its policy on Iraq, but its message. ...�
A Lamb On The Lam "I couldn�t resist writing a limerick about the seven-month-old lamb that escaped a live-animal market in The Bronx, New York and led police on a several block chase before it was captured. ..."
Fantasy �Dear Editor� Letter (Limerick)
�My writing is great, you should know,
Yet you turn it all down. What a blow! ..."
School Daze (Limerick)
�I crammed for the test�studied madly.
But, alas, I�m afraid I did badly ..."
Weird News Snark
"I�m introducing a new regular feature today � Weird News Snark. How regular? That totally depends on news craziness � and Mad Kane laziness. ..."
Bloody Hell, It'll Be Bloody "That great seer, soothsayer, and visionary George Bush predicted Thursday that August may be a bloody month in Iraq: ..."
Chance Meeting (Wedding Anniversary Limerick "My wonderful husband Mark and I are celebrating our 29th wedding anniversary today. Happy anniversary Mark! This limerick is my gift to you. (How�s that for getting off cheap?) ..."
Bugged By Mosquitos (Limerick)
�Mosquitos are driving me mad.
Seems a zillion are biting me�bad! ..."
Airing My Airline Gripes (Limerick)
�To travel by plane was once pleasant,
But flying�s horrific at present. ..."
Ode To The Can-Do Comic, Fran Capo "Without planning to, I seem to have launched an �Entertaining New Yorkers� series of limericks. ..."
Captured By CAPTCHA "If you�ve ever registered for a site or an email list, you�re surely familiar with those frustrating anti-spam CAPTCHA forms. ..."
No Sweat Divorce (Limerick)
�'My husband and I are estranged,'
Said the wife, 'cause he acts so deranged'. ..."
Yet Another American Idol Limerick "As regular readers know, watching American Idol is one of my guilty pleasures. But it sure wasn�t much of a pleasure last week, when mellifluous Melinda was sent packing and Blake wasn�t: ..."
He's Staying! So, There! "No, I�m not talking about Alberto Gonzales, although Gonzo seems to be staying too � so far, at least. I�m referring to yet another Bush administration miscreant: ..."
Only In Queens, New York (Limerick)
�'Wanna ride?' says a cop on the force.
I decline, though politely, of course. ..."
Serenade For The First Sufferers (Song Parody) "I�m betting that Laura Bush can finally say goodbye to her relatively high approval numbers. Why? Because on this morning�s Today Show, Laura said something to Anne Curry that�s way beyond obnoxious. ..."
ADD Ode (Limerick)
�Hey, doc, have I got ADD?
My attention span�s short as can be. ..."
Bush Speaks Loudly And Carries A Small Stick "What important business did President Bush conduct this weekend? He waved a small stick � a conductor�s baton � while pretending to conduct a symphony orchestra. ..."
Ode To The Lame GOP Gang Of Eleven "Please forgive me for not being all that impressed with the Republican Gang of Eleven, who supposedly hammered George Bush about Iraq and had the 'most unvarnished conversation they�ve ever had with the president.' ..."
More 24, Please "I�m hooked on the show 24.
Those CTU plots I adore. ..."
The Commander Guy Uncensored "George Dubya, our swaggering action-figure president, has dubbed himself 'The Commander Guy.' Okay, that�s absurd enough. But here�s the part you may have missed: ..."
Bush's Iraq Strategy: Here ... Catch "President Codpiece celebrated �Mission Accomplished� day by vetoing the Iraq war spending bill. Why turn down money he�s just dying to get his grubby hands on? Cause those mean Dems are trying to make him end the war some time during his Presidency. ..."
Bandwidth Blues "�I�ve no bandwidth for that,� some folks say.
It�s their style of responding, �No way! ..."
Keeping Abreast Of Bras (Limerick)
"There are gals who view bras as a gift,
For without �em their breasts are adrift. ..."
Merchants Of Hype "On April 1, 2007 U.S. Senators John McCain and Lindsey Graham held a press conference in Iraq, in which Sen. Graham rhapsodized about buying �five rugs for five bucks� in a Baghdad marketplace. ..."
Yet Another Tax Filing Limerick "I�m afraid I can�t stop writing tax return limericks � probably because it�s a lot more fun than actually working on my tax return. ..."
Truth On The Lam "Rachel Maddow has an update on Orrin Hatch�s smear campaign against Carol Lam, the U.S. Attorney for San Diego who was recently fired by the Justice Department. ..."
Ode To Unselfishness (Limerick)
"My husband is great�good as gold.
And there�s no one more giving, all told. ..."
Form 1040 Blues (Limerick)
"There�s a tax form that makes me irate:
Form 1040, a long form I hate..."
Dems Pull Bush's Chain (Limerick)
"The Congressional Dems reached a deal.
No, it isn�t ideal, yet I feel ..."
Running From Mistakes (Limerick)
"It�s essential to learn from mistakes
And to not place the blame on bad breaks. ..."
A Rueful Rhyme (Limerick)
"Your inventions are brilliant, it�s true.
Yes, you�re smart; it�s your rudeness I rue. ..."
Guilt Springs Eternal "Spring has arrived. Do you feel guilty yet? If not, you apparently don't read women's magazines. Every March and April they're packed with "clean up and organize your life" articles. Stories with catchy titles like Spring Into Action -- Tidy Up Your House. Or Wash Away Winter Blues. Or Banish Clutter Now; Otherwise We'll Keep Torturing You With Articles Meant to Make you Feel Like A Slothful Bum. Personally, I'd rather read Why Clean? It Will Only Get Dirty Again Tomorrow..."
Interactive Taxes "Hello. Welcome to Taxtime, your Interactive Tax Preparer Program. Do you feel like doing your taxes today?
I see. Well, don't you think you should do them anyway? After all, it's April 14th..."
Sparring Over Spare Time "Do you and your spouse argue about how to spend your spare time? Togetherness can be tough to achieve when a couple's interests just don't jibe. But this contract may be just the cure for your spare time blues..."
Backup Blues "They told me to back up my drive,
Which has crashed�it�s no longer alive. ..."
How To Give A Speech (Humorous How-To) "In a moment of weakness you agreed to give a speech. What are you in for? If you're lucky, it won't be any worse than this..."
Why I Don't Hate My Hate Mail "There are folks quite averse to my verse.
In their emails, perverse, how they curse! ..."
Why I Won�t Use What�s-Her-Name�s Name Anymore "Here�s a good story about the hate-filled, bigoted venom directed at John Edwards, which was recently spewed by a person whose name I will no longer mention, because it only encourages her. ..."
Office Politics "Your career is at stake, you should know,
And you don�t want that guy as a foe. ..."
Mad Kane's Humorous How-To Columns At long last, my humorous how-to pieces about job hunting, planning a trip, going to the opera, visiting an art museum, buying a house, refinancing, dealing with insomnia, stress, and time, and other topics are organized on one page.
A Traveler's Net Woes "If your husband ever invites you to join him on a business trip, be sure to ask him these questions:
1. Will you ever get to see him while he is not -- technically -- asleep?
2. What will he do, if you accidentally lock yourself out of your hotel room in the middle of the night while you are not -- technically -- dressed? ..."
A Biting Limerick (Limerick)
"'Ow! My tooth aches,' a man told the nurse,
Whose answer was biting and terse: ..."
I Guess They Miss The �Good Old Days� "This weekend�s Senate session reminds me of the fuss Republicans made when Senator Reid and Speaker Pelosi imposed a substantially longer work week on Congress. Some even argued that the imposition of a 5-day work week proved that Democrats are anti-family. ..."
To Be Honest... "�In all candor� prepares me for lies
When it�s said by political guys. ..."
Blogroll Scrooges Must Be Punished "Some major bloggers (most prominently Atrios/Eschaton and Kos) have recently instituted a blogroll purge, eliminating, for the most part, all but the usual suspects. And to add insult to injury, they referred to it in Orwellian fashion as 'Blogroll Amnesty Day.' ..."
Ode To The Great Molly Ivins "Alas, the magnificent Molly Ivins has died. To call her a great wit and outstanding journalist would be an understatement. She has always been an inspiration to me and to every other liberal I know who tries to write political satire. ..."
Open Sesame (Limerick)
"Why on earth are CDs packed so tight?
You can�t hear them without a huge fight. ..."
Mess? What Mess? "From Dub�s State of the Union address,
Who would guess that our nation�s a mess? ..."
Marriage Catch (Limerick)
"Said the fellow, 'I need some advice.
Tell me how I can catch me some mice, ...'"
Jenna Bush, Author? "In a move sure to aggravate unagented (and poorly agented) authors, Jenna Bush has scored a high-powered literary agent � Robert Barnett. ..."
Appearances Count (Limerick)
"Her appearance took all by surprise,
For her hair had succumbed to some dyes. ..."
Bellicose Bush "I�ve finally figured out George Dubya�s philosophy: If you can�t solve a problem, make it bigger: ..."
Bush�s Surge Speech: A Mad Preview "Another Bush war speech is on the horizon. Oh, goody! Actually, I�m not sure I�ll be able to force myself to watch next week�s speech, in which Bush is expected to announce a politically motivated �surge and accelerate plan.� But I�ve heard enough Bush speeches to sum this one up in a limerick, without even seeing it: ..."
Belated Apology "�Your apology�s rather belated,�
Said the gal to a fellow she hated. ..."
Musical Faux Pas "The solo violist played well,
With strong bowing, tone clear as a bell. ..."
Bush On The Couch; Dub On The Divan "Justin A. Frank, M.D., author of �Bush on the Couch,� makes a convincing case that George W. Bush is a sociopath in this fascinating Buzzflash interview. ..."
Deep Pockets/Pricey Dockets (Limerick)
"If you�re broke, it ain�t smart to defame
An affluent fellow�s good name. ..."
Edu-Gaffe (Limerick)
"Being accurate�s highly essential.
This is math, not some course existential. ..."
Those Appealing Lawyers (Limerick)
"A litigant�s lawyer needs zeal
When he argues a client�s appeal. ..."
Shopping For A New President Would Be Nice "President Bush had some words of wisdom for us at Wednesday�s press conference: �I encourage you all to go shopping more.� ..."
A Take-Charge Marriage (Limerick)
"We�re both bossy, my husband and I.
Domineering, some say with a sigh...."
O'Donnell v. The Donald "Have you heard about the Rosie O�Donnell vs. Donald Trump feud? Yeah � like you could possibly avoid it. Those publicity-mongers deserve a limerick, don�t you think? ..."
Ballsy Limerick " Although males come equipped with two balls,
There are men who ain�t ballsy at all. ..."
Haiku For A Former "Genius" I was amused to read that, in the wake of last week�s Republican debacle, Karl Rove remains 'steadfast' ..."
Mad Kane Gets Greedy "I am blissful, contented, and happy.
The election results weren�t crappy. ..."
A Convenient Noose "As SNL�s Churchlady used to say, �How con-veeeeeeee-ni-ent!� I�m referring, of course, to the Saddam Hussein death by hanging sentence, ..."
Bush and Cheney's Blunderland (Song Parody -- Sing To Winter Wonderland)
"Rummy�s great, and he�s staying.
No debate. Stop your braying.
'Fantastic' at war!
Bush Rummy adores.
Welcome to Bush/Cheney�s Blunderland. ..."
Thoughts Of Elections Past "A pair of poems today � more serious than usual � inspired by the latest attempt to swift-boat John Kerry. ..."
Ode To Lynne Cheney "The author of Sisters, named Lynne,
Thinks her party at all costs must win. ..."
Rush Limbaugh Verse " Limbaugh maligned Michael Fox,
Who is ill and admired and rocks. ..."
Leave No Bewildered Bush Behind (Haiku) "Dear Dub: You seem to be having a tough time telling the difference between �tactics� and �strategy.� Perhaps this haiku will help: ..."
He Misled Song Parody (Sing To Mr. Ed)
"Bush never said �stay the course,� of course.
And no one can challenge this ass of horse.
He lies, perforce, to change the course of election day ahead. ..."
Chatty Jack "Jack Abramoff has been so helpful to the FBI�s widening corruption investigation, that they�ve given him his own desk. I never thought I�d say this, but keep up the great work, Jack! ..."
Bush Stays His Lying Course "Watching Dubya lie isn�t exactly a novelty. But claiming he never said �stay the course� is pretty damn brazen, even for Bush. ..."
Wine Tasting Robots, Oh My! "Would you trust a wine tasting robot? What about a robot that thinks humans taste like bacon? ..."
Dear Peggy "It�s always embarrassing for me to admit this, but Peggy Noonan and I went to the same high school � Massapequa High School on Long Island, New York. ..."
Coulter Heist "For Ann, facts are pests that intrude,
And we've learned she's a plagiarist too..."
Bush Isn't God. Who Knew? "The Supremes slapped George Dubya quite hard,
Saying George, you ain't Czar, King, or God..."
(Peter) King-Sized Menace "Peter King and his ilk defy reason
When they call the Times guilty of treason..."
Swift Intrusions "From the Times we know Bush likes to sift
Through our bank records managed by SWIFT..."
New Yawkers Are Polite ... So There! "I'm a proud New Yorker, so I was pleased (and unsurprised) to read that a Reader's Digest poll ranks New York 'the most courteous major city in the world.'..."
Jeb For Prez? "George Dubya wants Jebby to win
The White House, Dub says with a grin..."
Mad Gift Giving Guide "Exchanging gifts, while fun in theory, offers endless potential for aggravation: Thronging crowds, ransacked stores, confusion, indecision, cash depletion and, finally, the belated knowledge that you bought the wrong thing. And even worse, perhaps, is receiving a spousal gift that you wouldn't buy for your worst enemy. Well, maybe for your worst enemy, but only if it's on sale..."
Tabloid Times "It's only May 2006, and the New York Times is already doing trashy, tabloid-style coverage of the Clintons. What's the matter, New York Times? You didn't have a juicy Iran-war-inducing story to plant on your cover page? ..."
Ode To Kenny Boy (To be sung to the tune of "Danny Boy")
"Oh Kenny Boy, the jails, the jails are calling,
From state to state, and through the world so wide.
The money's gone, and all the chips are falling,
'Tis you, 'tis you must go and you must hide..."
Frist And Hastert Rediscover The Constitution "Frist and Hastert don't care if the Bush administration invades the privacy of ordinary citizens. Nor do they seem bothered by the Executive branch's brazen power grab, evidenced by Bush's "de facto veto" signing statements, Congressional oversight avoidance, and sundry law breaking. But just let the Justice Department mess with one of their own..."
Ode To Rep. Jefferson "Rep. Jefferson seems to have stashed
90 grand in his freezer - cold cash..."
The White House Shakeup Song (Sing to Good King Wenceslas)
"Bolten's cleaning house they claim.
He needs staffers brainy.
Upward polls are Bolten's aim.
Why not start with Cheney? ..."
Faking Contrition - Song Parody (Sing to "Waltzing Matilda")
"Faking contrition.
Faking contrition.
Cheney feels bad that he shot his good friend.
If you don't buy his story, you're a lib'ral Democrat.
Leave him alone. This harassment must end..."
Don't Hunt With Dick Cheney - Song Parody (Sing to "On Top Of Old Smokey")
"Don't hunt with Dick Cheney.
You might end up dead.
He'll aim for your torso,
Or even your head..."
Secret Shopper "'I'm not going in there. No way. Forget it.' My seventy-something mother's stance was as rigid as her words; arms folded across her chest, unyielding legs pointed away from the shop I'd just suggested..."
Say Goodbye To Tom DeLay -- Song Parody (Sing to "Yesterday")
"Tom DeLay,
He's got troubles. They won't go away.
Jack's pled guilty and he'll have his say.
So say goodbye to Tom DeLay..."
Auld Lang Impeachment -- Song Parody (Sing to "Auld Lang Syne")
"Bush/Cheney's wrongs won't be forgot.
Each one we'll keep in mind.
These evil men must be locked up
For all their many crimes.
They spied on U.S. citizens.
They lied us into war..."
Religion Humor I've put all of my humor related to religion in one place.
Preacher Pat -- Limerick "Preacher Pat once again made me groan,
When he spoke of the ailing Sharon..."
Bill O'Reilly's Faux War On Christmas Song Parody (Sing to "Get Me To The Church On Time")
"Bill says we're waging war on Christmas,
Spouting another Fox News lie.
Bill's rarely proper.
Loves telling whoppers.
Ain't nothing that his fans won't buy..."
Ode To Bob Woodward "Bob Woodward had an ax to grind
When Plamegate he critiqued.
We've finally learned that Woodward
Was the first to get that leak.
He failed to tell his audience..."
Yet Another White House Leak: Harriet Miers Ethics Class Humor "Dear Staffers To the Smartest Man in the Whole World:
As you've probably heard, we've had a teensy glitch in the classified document leaks department: A certain fellow, who shall remain nameless, has been naughty lately, and the press is all over us..."
4 Sam Alito Limericks "There once was a judge named Alito,
Who's often called Judge Sam Scalito.
He's fond of state powers.
At labor he glowers..."
Fitzmas Madness (Poem about pre-Plamegate indictment anxiety)
"I keep scanning the Net
For some news from Pat Fitz.
If he don't indict soon,
I may go on the fritz..."
The Judy Miller Quartet (of Limericks) (Four limericks about Judy Miller, The New York Times and the Plamegate investigation)
"Ms. Miller has written her tale,
And as tales go, it's rather a whale.
Her memory's convenient,
On Libby she's lenient..."
Harriet's Song: Bush Is The Sunshine Of Her Life (Sing to "You Are The Sunshine Of My Life")
"You are the best Prez in the land.
That�s why I always shall be loyal.
You are the smartest living man.
I just can't wait to join the Court..."
Why Bother? "Judge John Roberts' confirmation
Is a certainty, it's true.
We're powerless to stop it..."
Rebuilder-in-Chief "George Bush said he'll Gulf Coast rebuild
In a speech that was platitude filled.
And he'll do it with cash..."
John Roberts & Supreme Court Humor I've put all of my humor related to Judge John Roberts, the U.S. Supreme Court, and court nominee filibusters in one place.
Two John Roberts Limericks "Though Judge Roberts is getting a hearing,
To measure his outlook and bearing,
He's determined to hide..."
A Trio of FEMA Limericks "The FEMA head Michael D. Brown
Helped cause thousands to suffer and drown.
Now he's dodging the blame.
Who's at fault? Val'rie Plame? ..."
Warrior Dub's Anthem -- Song Parody (Sing To "Strangers In The Night")
"Bush didn't pick this fight,
But he shall win it.
We must show our might.
That's how he spins it.
Bush is in the right,
Cause Dubya speaks to God..."
Cheney's Last Throes -- Song Parody (Sing To "On Top Of Old Smokey")
"Dick says the insurgents
Are in their last throes,
The war's almost over,
We're beating our foes..."
Lynching Is Bad? Who knew? "The Senate said that lynching's bad.
It took them long enough.
It's hardly a position rad,
Yet getting there was tough..."
Ode To Misogyny "A liberal blogger named Kos
Once was paid to offensive ad host..."
Dopey Decision Explained In Verse "How dare you smoke that evil grass!
Your pain is no excuse.
The doctor who prescribed your weed,
We'll string up with a noose..."
A Pox On Cox's Nomination "Chris Cox is Dubya's nominee
To head the SEC.
A man who boosted corp'rate rights
With fervor, zeal, and glee..."
The Immoderate Pact Song Parody (Sing to When Johnny Comes Marching Home Again)
"The 'moderates' made a voting pact.
We're screwed, we're screwed.
The 'moderates' got their power back.
We're screwed, we're screwed.
Their deal betrays our democracy..."
The Don't Compromise Song (Sing to Let's Twist Again)
"Let's compromise,"
Words that make me shudder.
Yeah, "let's compromise,"
Words I've grown to fear..."
Injudicious Limericks A pair of limericks "celebrating" Bush judicial nominees Janice Rogers Brown and Priscilla Owen.
The Filibuster Song (Sing to Alouette)
"Filibuster,
Save the filibuster.
Filibuster,
Save Democracy..."
The Madness Is Back "I've been gone for two weeks.
Did I miss something good?
Didn't keep up with the news,
Though I know that I should..."
Cover Girl Coulter "The hate-spewing "pundit" named Ann,
On Time's cover did manage to land..."
AMT Owed Ode -- Tax Poem "The AMT's a sneaky tax.
Though meant to snare the wealthy,
It burdens workers to the max. ..."
Who Can Turn The World Off With A Snarl (Song Parody about John Bolton to be sung to the Mary Tyler Moore Show theme song "Love Is All Around")
"Who mistreats his staff? Who's filled with bile?
Who can take a lovely day, and suddenly ruin it with hate so vile? ..."
Ode To Tom DeLay -- Song Parody (to be sung to "To All The Girls I've Loved Before")
"A Rep whose name is Tom DeLay,
He breaks the rules most ev'ry day.
He don't respect the law,
Thinks ethics are a bore..."
Bernie Ebbers Earns A Limerick "I knew nothing, said WorldCom Inc.'s Bernie,
So I shouldn't make a prison-bound journey..."
Dubya's Democracy Occupation "Democracy cannot succeed,
Said Dubya with a glower.
In countries that are occupied
By mean old foreign powers..."
The Real Reason Condi Gave Canada The Boot They say Condi postponed her trip to Canada as punishment for Canada's refusal to participate in Dubya's pet missile shield program. But I think there's a much simpler explanation: Condi doesn't want to sully her spanking new hot boots with Canadian snow...
How To Visit An Art Museum "There are many good reasons to visit an art museum. Impressing a date. Vying for a slot in the cultural elite. Some people actually go because they appreciate art. If you're a novice art fan, this is how it's done:
1. Your virgin museum visit should take place while you're out of town. That way, your displays of ignorance will be witnessed only by strangers..."
Ode To A Dull Drum Beat "Ev'ry ninety days or so,
A blogger's post appears,
That feigns concern for blogging gals
Who pale beside male peers..."
"Dear Scotty -- Mad Kane Applies For White House Press Credentials Dear Scotty: I've always fantasized about being a White House correspondent. But until now, I've never sought so lofty a position because -- silly me -- I assumed you had to be an actual journalist..."
Traveling Baggage "Vacation travel. A time to relax, mellow out, let loose and forget your cares. To indulge yourself, boogie till dawn, gorge on gourmet fare. To spend an entire day shopping for a "must have" item you forgot to pack..."
Barbara Boxer Links In Verse "Profiled in the Mercury,
Lauded by Birch Bayh,
Speaking out on budget cons,
And S.S. too. Oh, my..."
But Has He Ever Seen A Scanner? "In case there was ever a doubt at all
That Dubya's out of touch,
His answer to that three-job-mom
Sure proves he don't know much..."
The Gonzales Vote In Verse "Gonzales was a test of sorts:
Can Democrats unite?
Most Senate Dems came through for us,
And fought for what was right..."
Time's Madman of the Year "Time's person of the year
Is Bush once more.
Cause he's good at spreading fear,
And harming the poor?..."
Bush To The Rescue "Our huge trade deficit's no big deal.
According to Bush, it's easy to heal..."
Singing The Koufax Competition Blues (to be sung to "I've Grown Accustomed To Her Face")
"A Koufax mention would be great.
'T'would almost make the day begin.
A word or two would be a boon.
I'd thank you night and noon..."
Kerik Alert "George Dubya's named his nominee
To head Homeland Security.
He's Rudy's man from head to toe.
But why Bush wants him, I don't know..."
When Radio Interviews Go Wrong "Every so often, radio talk shows give up their quest for amusing guests and interview me instead. I always welcome the opportunity to be exposed to a 4:30 a.m. audience of roughly eleven people..."
Is There A Reader In The House? "Republicans have quite a scam:
They load their bills with pork and ham,
And sneak in clauses quite unfair,
Whose merits aren't even aired..."
Ode To Starbucks (Humor column about cappuccino addiction, the Starbucks revolution, and life in Bayside, Queens, New York)
Halliburton Blows "Dick's fav'rite co
Has blown another job.
Losing stuff's their mo,
When they dare not rob..."
Obligatory Post-Thanksgiving Poem "We visited my in-laws
And we ate too fast.
I fiddled on their piano,
And we talked about the past...."
Bush and Cheney Horrorland Song Parody (to be sung to "Winter Wonderland")
"People die, for no reason.
People starve, 'tis the season.
A terrible blight,
Each night after night,
In the Bush and Cheney Horrorland..."
It Is Hereby Resolved "What is it about December 31st that spurs fantasies of self-reform? Is it too much food and drink? Seasonal exuberance? Lunacy induced by crowds?"
In The Year 2000 "In the Year 2000,
A man named Dub
Stole our Prez election,
Treated Dems like schlubs..."
Georgie Dub "Georgie Dub still won't divulge
The truth behind that telltale bulge..."
Yet Another Anti-Bush Poem "Lost explosives -- many tons.
Feeling safer anyone?
Bush forgot to mind the store.
Must not give him four years more..."
Sinclair's Limerick "A media co. named Sinclair,
Has decreed that its stations must air..."
The Education President Song (to be sung to "I Write The Songs")
"Bush promised parents that he'd fix our schools.
That he'd make sure their children didn't turn out fools.
But all the teachers got were lots of rules..."
Sore Loser Limerick "There once was a man named George Dub,
Who debated and mis'rably flubbed..."
Top Secret Debate Contract Addendum "As most people know by now, President Bush and Senator Kerry have signed on to a 32 page debate agreement. But few are aware that they also signed a secret addendum to that agreement. Fortunately, MadKane.com has an exclusive copy of that secret addendum, provided by a DC insider whom I will identify only as Debate Throat..."
Presidential Campaign Humor I've posted all of my presidential campaign song parodies, limericks, and satire here.
Blogtopian Ode "Will blogtopia be ruined
By money, ads, and press?
Will a few cash in and leave behind
A sad, unholy mess..."
Holiday Humor Columns Office Party Follies, New Year's Resolutions Insanity & Other Holiday Fun.
Shipping Bush/Cheney Back Home (to be sung to "The Caissons Go Rolling Along")
"On the Hill, on the dale,
Kerry/Edwards will not fail.
We'll be shipping Bush/Cheney back home..."
Cheney's E-Bray "Be happy and be gay.
It's a fabulous new day.
Things are A-okay.
Cause you're trading on eBay..."
"W" Stands For What? "W" stands for "wrong,"
Says Kerry on the stump.
But some give "wrong" a gong,
And say it should be dumped..."
Odes to the "Zellot" "There once was a turncoat named Zell,
Whose soul to George Bush he did sell..."
Oust George Bush Song Parody (to be sung to "Five Foot Two" a/k/a "Has Anybody Seen My Gal?")
"GOP,
NYC,
It's time to oust them from DC.
Evict George Bush and all his pals..."
The GOP Hits New York Song Parody (to be sung to "When Johnny Comes Marching Home Again")
"The GOP bash will soon be here.
Oh, no! Oh, no!
Won't give 'em a hearty welcome cheer.
Oh, no! Oh, no..."
Daily News Haiku I've created a news haiku page where I'll be archiving all the current events related haiku posted on my Notables Weblog.
Dub & Dick's Limerick "George Dub has a Veep named Dick Cheney.
Next to Dub he appears rather brainy..."
Ode to Our Misleader "We have a misleader named George.
On power and lies he does gorge..."
Ode to Ann Coulter "There once was wingnut named Ann,
With one USA Today fan..."
Dick's The Ticket "Dick Cheney's Halliburton teamed
With evil axis, mad regimes,
To make big bucks while Dick was CEO.
Now Cheney lies and feigns and schemes..."
Cheney Cheney! I've written so much Dick Cheney humor -- two fake interviews, two song parodies, & a couple of poems -- I figured he deserved his own special page. And so it's time to Cheney Cheney!
Dubya's Plea "Our Bishops need to do much more
To safeguard all that's good,
Said Dubya to the Pope when Dub
Was in the neighborhood..."
Dump Bush Song (to be sung to "Here We Go Round The Mulberry Bush")
"We must defeat George W. Bush,
George W. Bush, George W. Bush.
We must defeat George W. Bush.
Vote Kerry this November..."
Mis-Education President Bush swore he'd leave no child behind,
A very worthy goal.
Instead, he left the states a great big budgetary hole..."
Unforgivable (to be sung to "Unforgettable")
"I apologize." Bush just won't say,
"I apologize." George Bush? No way!
There's a trail of failures caused by Dub.
He won't say, "I'm sorry." There's the rub.
Never before has someone been more..."
Alpha Politics "A" is for John Ashcroft and the liberties he's mauled.
"B" is for Barb Bush and hub. Dub's birth is all their fault. "C" is for Ms. CondiRice, who speaks so many lies. "D" is for the Dixie Chicks, who dare to Bush despise..."
New York Humor All my New York related humor is collected on one page, including swing dancing in Manhattan, New York cabbies, driving to East Hampton, celebrity ogling, New York drivers, Long Island traffic, car alarms, tubing upstate on the Esopus River in Phoenicia, and Bill and Hillary Clinton's Chappaqua house in Westchester County, New York.
Quizzes & Puzzles You now can find all my humorous quizzes and puzzles in one place, including political crossword puzzles, 2 Bush Quotes quizzes, and quizzes related to marriage, gender communication, and more.
Weblog Related Humor All my blog related humor is collected on one page, including The Daily Kos Song, Weblog Wonderland, Bloggers' Rhapsody, & Linkers' Lament.
Ode To The August PDB "When Condoleezza Rice speaks out
Does anybody buy her?
It's hard to fathom how she fumbled warnings, oh so dire..."
Daily Kos Song A song parody about the right wing attack on the liberal Daily Kos weblog, to be sung to the Mister Ed TV show song.
Fact-Free Bush (to be sung to "She'll Be Coming Round The Mountain")
"When the facts get in the way you change the facts,
And when facts get in the way, give facts the ax.
When the facts get in the way,
When the facts get in the way,
When the facts get in the way you change the facts..."
Health Humor A collection of my heath humor (physical and mental) in one place, including columns about insomnia, health studies, stress, and going to the dentist.
MadKane.com Hires An Ombudsman For years I've been flooded with emails challenging the accuracy of MadKane.com. At first I did what most publications do -- I ignored them. But as time went by, I realized that something had to be done. So in keeping with recent trends and in the interest of sound journalism, I've appointed an ombudsman who'd like to be known only as "Bud." Here is Bud's first report...
Education Humor A collection of my education humor columns and cartoons, including columns about the GMAT, music lessons, and drivers ed plus comic strips about Education Secretary Rod Paige and Bush's academic record.
AWOL Jobs "Our jobs are disappearing
To nations far and wide.
While Dubya has no plan at all
To stem this risky tide..."
Ralph & Rove "It looks like Ralph Nader is poised to announce another run. I guess he found this email persuasive:
From: [email protected] To: [email protected] Subject: What will it take? ..."
Mass Distraction "A Massachusetts Liberal
They call him with a hiss.
For wingnuts could there ever be
A better Kerry diss..."
Dubya's Poetic Injustice "A humble foreign policy,
Bush promised way back when.
Then wages war preemptively.
For bloodshed Dubya yens..."
Valiant Guy's Guide To Valentine's Day "Attention guys -- it's time to get ready for Valentine's Day. After all, you don't want a repeat of last year, do you? I didn't think so..."
2nd Annual Dubya Quote Quiz Can you tell the difference between a satirical Dubya quote and the real enchilada? Take the second annual Dubya Quote Quiz and see.
Oh, What A Mis'rable Failure (to be sung to "Oh, What a Beautiful Mornin'" from "Oklahoma")
"There's a right wingnut based in the White House.
End that right wingnut's stay in the White House.
His lies are piled high as an elephant's eye,
And it looks like they're climbin' clear up to the sky..."
Satirical Poetry Page. To make it easier to find my funny poems about politics, the media, and other topics, I've created this poetry page.
St. Reagan's Song (to be sung to "Just You Wait" from "My Fair Lady")
"He's a saint, Ronald Reagan, he's a saint!
You'll be sorry if you dare to say, he ain't.
A fine bloke who's kind and cunning,
Beat the Russians, great with money.
He's a saint, Ronald Reagan, he's a saint..."
Dubya's Don't Blame Me Song (to be sung to "Good King Wenceslas")
"I didn't do it. Not my fault!
Maybe 'twas some sailor.
Banners ain't my thing at all.
I was with my tailor..."
The Spinning Song (to be sung to "Spinning Wheel" by David Clayton Thomas -- Blood, Sweat & Tears)
"Down is up. Up is down.
Spinners wield lies that confound.
Claimin' that our troubles really prove: We win!
Spreadin' Bush baloney, Dubya smirks as he spins...."
General Boykin's Ballad "We're at war against Satan?
A startling idea!
That explains all the hatin'
And mongering fear..."
Press Filter Follies (Dubya's Anti-Media Poem)
"An evil filter is the press.
They lie and say Iraq's a mess.
Though things are going great down there,
You'll never hear it on the air..."
The Traitorgate Song (to be sung to "I Write The Songs" by Barry Manilow)
"The scandal started with a Niger lie
About nuke matter Saddam never did buy.
But Dubya would not let that falsehood die.
It's Traitorgate, it's Traitorgate..."
Media & Publishing Humor Page. To make it easier to find my media and publishing humor, I've created this media humor page.
The Traitor Tune (to be sung to "She'll Be Coming Round The Mountain")
"If you criticize the White House, you're a fool.
Nothing more than an Al Qaeda pal and tool.
If you criticize the White House,
If you criticize the White House,
If you criticize the White House, you're a fool..."
The Blackout Song (to be sung to "Just The Way You Are," by Billy Joel)
"Don't go blaming
George Bush for blackouts.
Electric grids are such a bore..."
Yellow Bush of Texas (To be sung to "Yellow Rose of Texas")
"There's a yellow Bush in Texas, that's where he loves to be.
Where Dub can dodge the media, evading scrutiny.
He cries so when he leaves there, it nearly breaks his heart..."
Fabulosa Condoleezza (To be sung to "Mona Lisa")
"Condoleezza, Condoleezza, Dub adores you.
You're so fine at saying falsehoods with a smile.
Is it cause you're female, Condi, that they've blamed you
For your fabulosa fakery and guile..."
Pet, Animal & Insect Humor My humor columns about squirrels in the house, mice invasions, roaches, and my parents' pet poodle.
Antiwar Humor Page. To make it easier to find my antiwar song parodies and comic strips, I've created this antiwar humor page. It also has an annotated list of links to many fine sites featuring antiwar humor.
More Dubya Comic Strips My latest Dubya Comic Strips are Dubya Doles Out Democracy, Chicken-Hawk President, and Export Nation.
