MADKANE: What about a mortal or grave or serious and mounting threat?
CHENEY: No, and I am not amused.
MADKANE: Or a...
CHENEY: And for the record, I never once characterized the Iraq threat as imminent.
MADKANE: Actually you did, Mr. Vice President, but moving on...
CHENEY: Did you say Move On? The traitorous organization that compared the best president this country has ever had with Hitler? Because I refuse to be interviewed by anybody associated with such a heinous organization.
MADKANE: I merely said moving on, sir, as in changing the subject. But...
CHENEY: Which reminds me: Liberal! Liberal! Liberal!
MADKANE: Excuse me?
CHENEY: Liberal! Liberal! Liberal! The Dems trying to steal George's job.
MADKANE: Even Senator Lieberman?
CHENEY: Especially Lib Lieberman.
MADKANE: I see. But going back to your previous point, the lawyers tell me I need to say that MoveOn.org is a fine group which never...
CHENEY: If you continue to defend those infidels I will terminate this interview immediately.
MADKANE: Okay then. Moving ... I mean ... turning to a different topic, please give me your thoughts on Paul O'Neill.
CHENEY: He's a lying nincompoop!
MADKANE: But weren't you great friends? And aren't you the person who recommended him to President Bush?
CHENEY: That's no longer operative.
MADKANE: Let's talk about Halliburton for a moment.
CHENEY: Great company! Fine, upstanding company. The only firm capable of doing the job in Iraq.
MADKANE: What about recent revelations that some Halliburton employees took bribes from...
CHENEY: Never happened.
MADKANE: Excuse me sir, but Halliburton has acknowledged that this occurred.
CHENEY: Never happened.
MADKANE: But that's not even being disputed.
CHENEY: Asked and answered.
MADKANE: Okay, then. What about the French investigation into Halliburton bribery that took place while you were its CEO and the possibility that you'll be indicted.
CHENEY: I do not recognize the legal system of Old Europe.
MADKANE: So you aren't denying that bribery took place under your watch?
CHENEY: I deny everything.
MADKANE: Everything?
CHENEY: Everything.
MADKANE: Do you deny that you went duck hunting with Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia?
CHENEY: Absolutely.
MADKANE: But Mr. Vice President, even Justice Scalia admits that you two went duck hunting together.
CHENEY: Never heard of the man.
MADKANE: Do you also deny that under the Bush/Cheney administration the deficit has soared to record highs.
CHENEY: That's a lie spread by the liberal media. We have a large surplus...
MADKANE: But sir, everyone knows that the Clinton surplus is long gone.
CHENEY: Not true.
MADKANE: Yes it is.
CHENEY: Not it's not.
MADKANE: Yes it is.
CHENEY: No it's not.
MADKANE: Yes it... I'm guessing you've found Saddam's WMDS?
CHENEY: Absolutely.
MADKANE: And captured bin Laden?
CHENEY: Did it last week.
MADKANE: And created more jobs than any prior administration.
CHENEY: Of course.
MADKANE: I don't suppose you've personally found a cure for cancer.
CHENEY: Yup! Just yesterday.
MADKANE: Thanks so much for doing this interview Vice President Cheney.
