(Note from Mad Kane: This started out as a single poem about the Kerik nomination. But after Kerik withdrew his name, I wrote some follow-up poems about the real reason he walked away, the effect of Kerik's self-destruction on Giuliani, and Joe Lieberman as a potential alternate candidate to head Homeland Security.)

Is Bernie Kerik a good choice to replace Tom Ridge as head of Homeland Security? Doug Ireland says, "Sentient residents of the Big Apple know that the appointment of Bernie Kerik, our town's former police commissioner, as Homeland Security Secretary is a disaster," and Ellis Henican, Benjamin Wallace-Wells, and Josh Marshall are Kerik doubters too.

Being a sentient (and rhyming) Big Appler, I've written a poem called Kerik Alert:

Kerik Alert
By Madeleine Begun Kane

George Dubya's named his nominee
To head Homeland Security.
He's Rudy's man from head to toe.
But why Bush wants him, I don't know.

Can Kerik keep our homes secure?
The challenges are great, for sure.
With risks throughout our land and sea,
It's tough to keep us terror-free.

So what's on Kerik's resume
That makes Dub think he'll save the day?
He served as Rudy's bodyguard,
And kept him safe. I guess that's hard.

He also ran our New York jails,
A job at which some say he failed.
A scandal-ridden term he had.
George Dubya must not think that's bad.

A commissary he can't run,
And don't forget those rebate funds
That got in a foundation's hands,
That Bernie Kerik also ran.

He served as NYC's top cop,
Exploiting nine-one-one nonstop.
He also worked for Saudi Royals.
To whom exactly is he loyal?

Iraqi cops he went to train,
A task he failed at. 'Twas his bane.
He left before his job was done.
Perhaps he wasn't having fun?

Dub's naming him is rather strange.
I'd even say it's quite deranged.
But facts don't count at all, you see,
In Dubya's faith-based pres'dency.

Update: In its December 8th edition, Cursor posts a great item from The Smoking Gun about Bernard Kerik's being a former deadbeat. And you won't want to miss Newsweek's excellent article on Bernie Kerik, Enter the 'Mayhem Magnet'.

Update 2: In a move that seems to have taken everybody by surprise, Bernie Kerik has withdrawn his name as Bush's nominee for Homeland Security Secretary because of a "nanny problem." How odd that with such a spotty resume, he'd be undone by a nannygate problem:

Kerik has withdrawn his name.
He says that nannygate's to blame.
But with his many sordid flaws,
I can't believe that that's the cause.

Update 3: Now that Rudy Giuliani's squandered so much political capital on his pal Bernie Kerik, how does Rudy's political future look?

Poor Rudy made a big faux pas:
He said of Kerik, Rah! Rah! Rah!
Now Kerik's out and Dub's displeased.
So kiss good-bye those White House keys.

Update 4: With Bernie Kerik out of the Homeland Security picture, there's speculation afoot about Joe Lieberman.

Please Say It's Not Joe
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Some wonder who George Dub will pick
To fill the Kerik void real quick.
Were I to bet, I'd say it's Joe.
He wants it bad, he won't say no.

A pious man who pushed for war.
An easy vote, he'll get for sure.
A Dem who's really GOP
Will run Homeland Security.

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