The text of Bush's proposed Attack Iraq Resolution is here. Be forewarned that it's jam-packed with scary "whereas clauses." But there's no need to panic. As a "recovering attorney," I'm authorized to translate:
Whereas, Iraq is a berrrrrry, berrrrrry bad country, led by a berrrrrry, berrrrrry bad man; and
Whereas, the U.S. is a berrrrrry, berrrrrry great country; led by a berrrrrry, berrrrrry great man;
Now, therefore, Congress authorizes George W. Bush to do whatever the hell he pleases.
The American secretary of state, Colin Powell, has said the United States will find ways to stop weapons inspectors going back to Iraq unless there is a new United Nations Security Council resolution on the issue.
So let me see if I understand this correctly: Bush is punishing Iraq for not allowing inspections, by not allowing inspections until he has a definitive U.N. document requiring inspections.
There's an old saying in Tennessee -- I know it's in Texas, probably in Tennessee -- that says, fool me once, shame on -- shame on you. Fool me -- you can't get fooled again.
Bush proves once again that he respects science about as much as he likes math.
The blogosphere has its share of carping exchanges between bloggers whose viewpoints are at odds. Let's face it -- a post that "makes nice" with the opposition tends to get less attention than a post accusing someone of being a mental midget. (Am I allowed to say midget?)
So I'm especially proud to have a mutual admiration thing going with Geitner Simmons, an editorial writer for the Omaha World-Herald. On Tuesday I mentioned his thoughtful Iraq commentary. Whether or not you agree with Simmons' positions, his well-written and well-reasoned weblog is a must-read. And he's been more than generous in his remarks about my humor. For instance this post, which still has me blushing:
Harrumphing in favor of a strong foreign policy is part of the norm at this site, but I have nothing but good things to say about humorist Madeleine Begun Kane, despite her insistent tweaking of Bush. Her wit and good humor are disarming.
While I'm talking about fine blogs and sites, I must thank two I couldn't live without: Democrats.com and Buzzflash. Whenever they link to me (thankfully, often) I experience a veritable hit parade.
Finally, I must thank this French blog for its unusual post (in English, thank goodness) which manages to mix comments about my humor, George Bush, Saddam Hussein, and the Iroquois Indians in a fascinating commentary.
When I heard Iraq had agreed to "unconditional inspections," I briefly fantasized that the U.N. might stop this madman. And no, I'm not talking about Saddam Hussein.
I suspect that no conceivable Iraq response could ever halt Bush's warrior drumbeat. In fact, I have every confidence that even if Saddam voluntarily resigned, turned into Gandhi, and devoted the rest of his life to giving U.N. inspectors a guided tour of Iraq's weaponry cache, helping them destroy it along the way, Bush would still want to attack Iraq. Of course his aides would come up with some spanking new justification, which "has always been the White House position."
I couldn't resist writing yet another anti-war song parody. (Previous anti-war songs include Iraq, Iraq, Dubya's Dream, Nukes Glorious Nukes, Preemption, Bush & Tony, and Dubya's Ode to Korean Sunshine. They can be found here.)
War's A Distraction (To be sung to "Anticipation" by Carly Simon)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
We can never know about the days to come.
But we think about them anyway.
And I wonder how we let Bush bring us down.
Why he always gets his damn mean and evil way.
War's a distraction. War's a distraction.
He's feeding us hate.
Iraq he's baiting.
And I tell you how queasy it feels with Bush in charge.
He will ship armies out with much glee.
And Bush spouts rehearsed hate words each day and night.
Gets many thinking about how right more fights might be.
War's a distraction.War's a distraction.
George Bush is irate.
Don't keep him waiting.
And tomorrow we might not be together.
I'm no prophet. Will Bush get to hunt his prey?
United Nations, stop George Bush in his tracks right now.
Or else I fear that we've lost the good old days.
We've lost the good old days.
Yes I fear that we've lost the good old days.
We've lost the good old days.
We've lost the good old days.
We've lost the good old days.
We've lost them.
The good old days.
Bush purportedly wrote this New York Times Op Ed piece. Yeah ... right. I'm not convinced he could even read it. Warning: Do not try to read "his" column without a barf bag.
James Ridgeway sums things up beautifully (and quite depressingly) here:
Behind the memorial candles and commercial remembrances lies one of the most astute marketing campaigns in American political history. This week, as the nation marks the first anniversary of the 9-11 attacks, the Bush administration will twist voters' outpouring of raw emotion and patriotic fervor into a launching pad for the inevitable invasion of Iraq.
Some of you have commented on my new internal site search engine, posted near the top of this page. I hope it'll help you find stuff you like. Chances are, you already know about Dubya's Dayly Diary, and my song parodies. But I also write non-political humor about marriage, computers, cars, work, travel & other topics. In fact, you can plug in just about any word and find a piece that mentions it. Feel like reading humor about stress or squirrels or dentists or viruses? What about Beethoven, mountains, math, or Bill Gates? Just try them out in my search engine. You never know what you might find.
And while I'm talking about my new search engine, I want to thank the very entertaining Stephen Bates who helped me work out some frustrating script code kinks. If it wasn't for his able and generous assistance, I'd still be tearing my hair out. Between the birthday song he wrote for me (9/11 entry) and his computer assistance, I owe him big time!
Thanks to Blawger-Supreme Howard Bashman for introducing me to a "new, hot area of legal practice: Beauty pageant law." If only this specialty had existed when I was practicing law, maybe I wouldn't be a recovering lawyer.
Well, it's the big day! No, not 9/11, silly. Okay, actually it is 9/11, technically. But I'm talking about my birthday, which I mentioned a few days ago in my entry about "Badly Timed Birthday Syndrome." In fact, the very witty Stephen Bates read the entry, took pity on me, and wrote me this delightful birthday poem:
Rejoice on your birthday, good Madeleine Kane!
You prove that a soul can be Mad and yet sane.
For wry, wicked humor, my friend, you're the one...
Think what you've accomplished... you're quite well Begun!
Your humor emerges from whatever irks,
Some quirk in the home, or some deed of the Smirk's.
As master of irony, satire and parody,
To face down the Shrub you have got the temerity!
Events notwithstanding, I'm specially glad,
September 11, the world has gone Mad.
The finest of birthdays! More hits to your blog!
(And if you are good, I will call off this dog!)
As you can imagine, I was very touched and delighted to receive such a creative, thoughtful gift.
If you're not familiar with Bates' terrific doggerel you're in for a treat. So be sure to check out his site. I'm betting you'll love his hilarious Gilbert & Sullivan-inspired Operation TIPS send-up: Model of an Information Clearinghouse. And you owe it to yourself to read his poignant 9/11 poem.
