Dubya's Early White House Daze - Week 5   This Week  Last Week  Archives  Main  Home

Feb. 19, 2001

Dear Diary -- There was lotsa family high fivin this weekend over my Friday operation. That'll teach Sadam to start up with this Bush. From now on that guy's gonna confirm with his agreement or else!

Warning to Sadam -- Read My Lips -- No More Weapons Of Self-Destruction!!!!

Maybe I should rip out this page & mail it off to Sadam. Hmmm, better send a zerox instead. Poppy likes me to keep the diary neat.

The Wolf guy down in Mexico got kinda P-Oed at me last week. He said I ruined his press conference by attacking Saddam while I was on his turf. But I talked to him mano a mano about trucks and migration and stuff and then he was cool with it and everythings copasetic.

Feb. 21, 2001

Dear Diary -- I'm feeling kinda depressed. For one thing, we haven't defeated Saddamn yet. I haveta remember to ask Powell whats taking so long.

If this thing isn't over by Saturday Tony Blair's coming to Camp David so we can toss around some ideas. I sure hope he speaks English.

And there's more bad news -- Andy tells me we arrrested an FBI agent cause he was spying on us for one of our enemies. China I think. Or maybe it was Prussia.

But at least Monday went well. I went to Oklahoma I think and made a speech about -- uh -- dedication. Dedications a good thing and Oklahomas a good state. Plus its real close to Texas.

Feb. 22, 2001

Dear Diary -- Dick tells me the liberal media is making noise about that submarine accident -- blaming it on some sailer being distracted by a buncha Republican donors in the control room. I dont see what the big deal is. Its not like they were sleeping in the control room -- or having sex. Now that would be distracting!

And John McCain is making trouble again and bitchin about some law he's sponsering. Not the campaign finance bill -- something else. He keeps tellin me to be patient with the bill of rights. I dont like people tellin me to be patient. And anyway I always thought the bill of rights was overrated. Except for the gun part.

I gotta go now and sign some more executive orders. They make me feel real powerful . I just wish people would stop making me explain em.

Feb. 23, 2001

Dear Diary -- They made me have a press conference yesterday and it was kinda scary. I was supposed to memoriz a buncha stuff aheada time but it was real hard & I kept forgettin so they gave me clift notes. But I kept mixing up the clift notes -- didn't know which to use when. So then they told me the main ones & I wrote them on my hands. But then I spilt my hot cocoa right before it was time to start and the ones on my hands got all mushed up and it was real confusin.

I wanted to cancel but they said no. Then I wanted to have Dick whisper clues in my ears but they wouldn't let me. They said I had to do it all by myself and I'd be fine and if I wasnt nobody'd notice cause Clinton scandals are juicyer than a Prezidential press conference so even if I screwed up it wouldn't matter. Then two Secret Service guys give me a big shove and all of a sudden I was standing in front of those mean press guys.

Everything after that is pretty much a blank. But Poppy & Dick said I was fine and the main thing is I got thru it. Afterwards Laura gave me a big kiss and a present. I was real plezed till I opened it and it turned out to be a grammer book. She says from now on I have to study it every day. And if I dont they'll be a consequence.

I'm kinda hungry so I'm gonna go russle up a swiss cheese sandwich. Then I think I'll stretch out and have me a nap.

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